Wednesday, November 09, 2011

Um, I'm not here.

Just noticed that I apparently never actually put up a post on this blog directing you to my (no longer) new online home: www.kimberlypauley.com 

Er. My bad.

Tuesday, January 05, 2010

New year, new me...

Well, we (as in, me and the hubster) have made the trite and oft-used resolution of losing weight. We both want to lose about 25 pounds. So far, I've lost 2. Just mostly modifying the diet so far....honestly, am not quite sure how to fit in exercise yet. We'll see.

So today...had plain yogurt with granola for breakfast. Lunch was a Lean Cuisine thing (and that's all I can say about that). Dinner will probably be something similar...Tony is out of town, so I'm going the easy route. The Max? He had chicken nuggets and tater tots for lunch.

The good news is that Tony is dieting too. It's really hard to diet in a household if you're the only one, especially when he does the majority of the cooking.

Hopefully we can lose it. It'll be like a whole new wardrobe again. :-) Though I guess that ditches my excuse to buy new clothes....hm.

Tuesday, December 08, 2009

I know, I know...

I'm actually still really upset about Elephant. I'm silly, I know. But I am.

Max seems to be doing okay, at least. He carries around Elephant 2 plus either Binky Dog or Bunny Bear. He seems to want two things. But he's asked for Elly a few times. I just give him Elephant 2 and try to act like nothing's wrong.

Ah well.

Monday, December 07, 2009

Watch out, He Might Blow

(Something less serious and depressing than the last post)

Watch out, he might blow

That little man in the corner over there...
I've been watching him.
The party swirls on around him,
conversations ebbing and flowing,
punctuated by the silver peals of laughter
of our hostess,
the inestimable, the esteemable, the powerful:
Maude.

And he,
the husband,
so quiet and unmoving.
The lines on his face settling deeper and deeper
into a roadmap of stillness.

His eyes, though,
so much more alive than the rest of us,
darting and fleeing around the room
to stop, to settle, to hang
so heavily on his wife
and then start the pendulum back,
touching always on
that dapper gentleman over there...
the one who hangs on our hostess
so gracefully, so tightly, so singly,
with every bon mot and every glance,
even from across the room.

There's an undercurrent of tension
here, among the frivolous joy --
And I cannot help but wonder
whether cocktail weiners can be
used as weapons of mass destruction.

Sunday, December 06, 2009

Epic Fail

I feel like I've had my first big Mommy failure. Max lost elephant at the mall today. Elephant #1. I've been careful lately to not let elephants out of the house, but Tony picked up Max to strap him in the car and he still had elephant. I thought about saying something, but I didn't. We've taken him out before (sometimes both of them) and it's always worked out, though we've had some close calls (left behind at a couple of stores, but I've always managed to find him). This time it didn't work out.

I had to get some new glasses because I lost my old ones somewhere in the house. Or maybe Max did; I don't know...they're just gone. And since Tony is off to London again this week, I really needed some new glasses so I could drive while he was gone. So while I was in VisionWorks at Hawthorne Mall, Tony was on Max duty. They played around the store for a while and then went on to the playground area. Me, I had my eye exam and looked for frames and got my eyes dilated.

On the way back to the car, I said "Where's Elephant?" assuming that he had wound up in Tony's pocket like he usually does. But Tony didn't have him. And he wasn't in the car. We got home and called iHop (where we'd had breakfast) and I called the mall where (prophetically) they told me that they didn't have Elly in the lost and found box but that they "threw away any dirty stuffed animals" that they found. Which, by the way, is evil. Because the loved ones? They're the dirty ones. If they are sparkling clean and new? Those aren't the loveys. The loveys are LOVED.

I also called the bookstore since Tony had gone in there and Delia's, since Tony had said that Max kept going in there because he liked to walk through their sign. But no go.

We had to go back to the mall to pick up my glasses, so we did that on the way to the airport. We drove through the parking lot slowly and checked out the aisle we had parked in and two more for good measure. No Elephant. The Max was asleep, so Tony stayed with him out in the car while I went in to pick up my glasses.

While I was waiting for my turn, I saw a security guard standing outside the store (and, according to the people on the phone earlier, mall security is in charge of the lost and found), so I asked the fellow if anyone had turned in an elephant. A guy who happened to be standing nearby taking surveys goes "A floppy grey elephant?" and for a minute I was very excited. It turns out Max must have left it on the post right outside the VisionWorks store while he and Tony had been playing around. The guy had propped it up on the post and left it there, but then later had seen a maintenance worker pick it up.

So I cornered a maintenance guy who was nearby, but he had no idea (and it wasn't him, anyway, but some other taller maintenance guy). The security guy was also no help. I had to get back to the car to get Tony to the airport, so I left. I was also, honestly, a wee bit of a wreck because a) I read The Velveteen Rabbit far too many times as a child and b) Max had already had one major meltdown at home when he figured out he had not two elephants, but one and the elephant he did have was not THE elephant. Backup elephant has always been backup elephant, even though he's loved carrying both around. Tony can't tell the difference, but Max and I can.

Tony doesn't get why I'm so upset, but he calls the mall again on the way to the airport but just asks if anyone has turned in the elephant (a question I already know the answer to) even though I tell him the new info. He just thinks Max will "live" and be fine. And, yes, I know that's true but that's not the point.

When we get back home I call again and explain to the concierge desk lady the situation. At first she tells me there are no maintenance people working today and then she's just confused. Ultimately, they say they'll look again and call me back. They do, about five minutes later, and no elephant. Which I expected by this point. They obviously threw him away.

It pains me to write that. Maybe I'm silly, I don't know. But Elephant has been there for Max for his whole life and has comforted him through bruises and bumps and nightmares and who knows what else. His trunk and hands were turned yellow from Max sucking on them when a binky just wouldn't do. He called him Elly, when the two elephants together where "Ants!" -- but Elephant was always Elly. I thought he'd have Elly his whole life and be able to sit him on a shelf someday and chuckle fondly at how raggedy he'd grown over the years. Maybe sneak him off to college because he just couldn't bear to leave him behind.

Elephant just wasn't something that should ever be thrown away.

I'm sorry, Max. I'm sorry, Elly. This time I failed.

Saturday, November 07, 2009

Staring into space

I'm in the writing stage where you spend a lot of time staring off into space. I think it's the stage that most confuses my husband. He's a do-er and this part of writing looks like a lot of nothing.


It's kind of like cooking, if your ingredients were all invisible and stewing in one giant pot. You stir and stir and stir...some things splash out and you clean them up; other things meld together and become yumminess. And after awhile, it's time to put it in the oven to bake and then you really get started.

Almost there, almost.

Though compared to these authors, my writing process seems downright calm and collected.

I'm trying to be fairly organized -- so I'm thinking, then outlining, then writing. I pretty much go from chapter one on down the road, periodically with brief detours into little snippets. But other than that, I'm pretty straightforward. No writing in the tub, though I do think of stuff in the shower.

Sometimes Happier

I'm happier sometimes
and sometimes not...
be happier still
if I were better...
but I'm not.

Don't think I haven't tried;
it just isn't in me
to be better...
but happier, that I could probably do.

Friday, November 06, 2009

So There.

Okay, so I'm all caught up now. I posted all the poems I had on Facebook and put them here. Some with dates, until I got lazy and just posted the poems instead. Ah, well.

I'll try to be more regular now. At posting, that is.

No Editing

I used to be a poet...
wrapping my teenage self in poetry
larking about with words, o glorious, vain glorious words...

a long time now,
since a poem
has sprung forth
fully formed, half-assed, or otherwise
from me

perhaps my soul has become stilted
and steeped
in the mundane inanities of the life that lives in my head;
that endless stream of things to do, things to be said

checklists make terrible poems

Some Days

Some days,
I'm just not there
not here, not there,
not anywhere

Living in my head
can be crazy wonderful &
desperately dull
and everything inbetween the lines

Some days,
I'm just stringing together
one piece of me at a time
endlessly reaching out for that future I can't see

Trying to be
that me
everyone else seems to think I am
and everything inbetween

Some days,
I should just shut up.

One a day

One of these a day
will surely do some good...
Opening up the silly gates
and letting it all flood out

After all, I'm awash
in mismatched metaphors
and synonyms I don't need...
Not to mention all those adverbs just lying around