Bright side

I've been feeling so icky that I think I need to remind myself of the things I am thankful for. After all, even though it feels like my health issues have been completely miserable and consuming my life for the past year and a half, it could be much, much worse. I could have an incurable disease or a missing limb or the loss of one of my senses. That would be much worse.

And I am thankful for, every single day...

My husband. He's truly just a wonderful, wonderful guy. Loving, caring...he's my best friend in the whole world. I don't know what I'd do without him.

Harley, my old, persnickety kitty. When he cuddles with you, you know he loves you. He doesn't make nice with just anyone.

Gracie, my fat diva girl kitty, who loves to snuggle and is a total pet slut.

My sisters. We all still love each other, even though we hardly ever see eye to eye on anything.

My mom, who seems to be doing so much better than she ever was before (save for the smoking again thing).

Our lovely house.

Crafty things. Being creative. Having the opportunity (here we come back to Tony) to do things that I love.

Authors. For writing all of those lovely books out there that have kept me entertained, enlightened, and excited all of these years. I'm happy to be able to give something back to them now through my website.

Readers. Anyone who thinks teens aren't reading should pay attention to the kids that frequent the site and the forum. They are great. And really lovely people. They even email me get well cards when I'm sick.

Music.

Art.

I guess those are the big things. There are always more things. Little things, like seeing hippos swimming (at Busch Gardens, in one of those huge tanks where you can see them from the side -- it's just like in Disney's Fantasia. Hippos are just funnily graceful. That always makes me smile). Though, hmmmm, maybe that should rightfully be called a big thing.

3 1/2 weeks

I called the Dr. today and told them I've given the pill the three weeks (and more) they said to try it out with and they've got to give me something else. The nausea and headaches have just been...awful. This has been one of the worst times in my life. That sounds strange, considering other things that have happened, but this has just been agony. My time has ranged from the low-level "Ugh, I feel kinda ooky" to the "If I move, I'm going to puke." I have no idea what I would have done if I had a regular job. As it is, I'm behind on everything.

So they're calling me in something else with lower hormone levels. I hope it works. I can't do this anymore. As I sit here, I've got the pounding headache and the "I really just want to lay down for a while" blues. I managed a cereal bar today. I've never been told so many times that "Gee, you look green." Poor Kermit. I feel for him now like never before.

The real bummer is that yesterday was our 15th anniversary -- the "being together" one, not the wedding anniversary. It's hard to believe sometimes that we've been together that long. A few more years and we'll have been together longer than we were alive separately. Did that make sense? We met when we were 18, my first day of college. I had a nice night planned out last night, but it didn't happen. At least we watched a romantic movie -- Shall We Dance.

I'd originally rented it through Netflix and liked it so much that I actually bought a copy (on a rare day when I could venture out with Tony and not get sick in the car). Great soundtrack too. I've got it playing now. It makes me a little happier and I could use that.

Gah, I think I'm going to go throw up again.

Under the weather

I haven't been writing in here -- or, for that matter, doing much of anything -- for a while. For the last two weeks I've been a walking zombie.

They had to switch my birth control medication because the depo shot, which I'd been on for about 5 years, seems to have sucked the calcium from my body (see previous post...I've got osteopenia, or bone loss, in my spine now). So now I'm on a pill again. However, it's causing me to have 24/7 nausea and monstrous headaches. The Dr. says that's fairly normal, new hormones, blah, blah, blah...give it 3 weeks and if it doesn't clear up, then we'll re-evaluate.

"Uh, yeah," I tell her, "but if I even move or smell something funky, I feel like I'm going to vomit. And sometimes I do."

"Yeah," she says, "it'll do that."

Wow, that's helpful. She says not to worry about it unless I can't keep any liquids down and I get dehydrated. Great. Gee, thanks. Something to look forward to.

Meanwhile, I can't hardly be in a car without getting car sick. I've barely been out of the house. Heck, I've barely been moving. And next week Auntie Anna is going to be here. Hopefully I start feeling better by then or she's not going to have a very fun visit.

Tony's been great, trying to make me bland enough foods and lots of mashed potatoes. At least I haven't actually hurled too many times -- more dry heaves than anything, but it's that feeling of constantly being about to hurl that's killing me.