Today is a Day

Sleeping pill helped last night, though it's not like I can keep taking them every night. But I did sleep until around 7ish, though I still woke up a few times. That's better. I got up and went to the gym by myself and did 55 minutes (alternating walk/low incline with weight exercises/running) and also went into the steam room and sauna for a bit. Will very likely just keep the gym membership until September, when current contract expires, and just get a small treadmill for home instead. Max would rather work out at home too. We'll see. I think I also want to give it up because it was a place I went with T and all the friendly old ladies (who I've luckily not run into as I've been going at odd times) ask questions that are bound to make me cry and I just don't wanna melt down at the gym if I can help it. 

Anyway, other than that, just did some rearranging. Still plucking out T things from around the house and putting them in his stack. I'm not going to pack things for him, but I'm happy to start stacking stuff. I really just kind of want to reduce his presence around here so that he's not everywhere I look. That'll be even easier once I can move, of course, but I'm getting a start now. It does help make it feel more like "my place" (or mine and Yamada's). I imagine he might be surprised when he gets back from his US trip and sees a lot of little changes. But, honestly, kinda screw his feelings on this. I'm the one being left. I'm not tiptoeing anymore. And if I have to stay here for another year and half, I want to at least be moderately comfortable.

Maybe I'll type more later today but I am kinda desperately tired. It's just 4 PM but I think I'll have a little lie down until time to cook dinner.

Checking In: Weight: 47.3 kg, Body Fat 18.3%

[Start Feb 2024 66.2 kg (147 lbs); Total Loss 18.9 kg/43 lbs. Don't know body fat from the start, but about a month after was at 32.2% so total loss 13.9%-ish]

I can haz anger

I feel really angry today. Sad, yes, but also angry. It may be because I took my morning to drop off some of T's (going with an initial because, honestly, I do not want to type husband anymore) Portuguese Visa paperwork to a place to get apostilled. It's a favour, as this is purely just for him, obviously, as he's leaving and buggering off to Portugal without me. Texted him I'd dropped it. Sent an update on Yamada. No response.

I know he's busy off doing wedding stuff but it made me think about how I am. Just. Too. Damn. Nice. For 34 years I've done shit for him -- stuff he didn't want to do or didn't think to do or whatever. Sent the Christmas cards. Bought the presents. Made appointments. Took care of all the house stuff. Did all the parenting stuff. Moved whenever he needed to move. Always did all the packing. The laundry. 

I am so done. I am so, so, so tired. 

I don't even know what I want to do with my life, really, but I do know I don't want to DO anything for him anymore because I haven't gotten anything out of it but meanness and cruelty in recent years. Random strangers have been nicer to me than T has in the last 15 years in particular. It wasn't always bad, but it was never always good, if you know what I mean.

I've tried SO HARD for so long to hold the relationship together that I feel very lost right now. I will find my own way and I will be okay. I do have my own dreams. I am my own person. I don't have to be someone else's shadow.

Oh. And the other thing that really rubbed me the wrong way today. I posted in our Friends DND WhatsApp group that I'd found & bought a car (as old car was his car and besides hating it, it was HIS car). And he responds THERE and says "Little steps" and I wanted to just say FUCK YOU VERY MUCH. It wasn't a little step for me. It was a big deal for me. Visited multiple dealerships. I researched cars, of which I have very little interest in. Drove 40 minutes to go test drive it -- in the rain, which I hate driving in. Even bargained a bit. Set up the delivery and the insurance and paid the car tax and set up reminders for the MOT and set up breakdown cover, which we've never bothered with before, because now I don't have anyone to call in case of an emergency. It wasn't a little step for me.

I feel like he's been trying to make me small for 34 years and I am so very, very exhausted of it all.

Looking Forward

The sleeping pill helped, though it was my last one in the box and I'll need to get some more. Still didn't get to sleep until nearly midnight and woke up a few times, but was actually in bed until just before 8. So the most sleep I've had in weeks, I think. 

Checking in: Weight 47.3 kg today (104.2 lbs)
[Start Feb 2024 66.2 kg (147 lbs); Total Loss 18.9 kg/43 lbs.]

I will get back to more anime/manga/Kdrama posting here at some point, but I read a thing this morning about how it can help to focus on or imagine the Future You to help you climb out of whatever hole you are in. And, at the moment, I'm so focused on trying to get through the holidays and the divorce and the awfulness that I've not really thought about the future beyond "I'd like to get back to London" because, to be fair, it's the only place I can think of.

I mean, it does make sense. I have figured out already that I really don't like living in England outside of London. I do not crave a charming English countryside life, picturesque as it might seem. I like cities and some bustle. Things to do and distract you and places to people watch. And I want to be around my friends again. 

But I'm kind of digressing. This is about not thinking of the how or why you get there, but where you want to envision yourself in five years. So. Five years, future me. I'm almost 53, so I'll be just about 58, which sounds old but hey, I'm healthier now than I was at 30.

I'm living alone in a house in London that's my own space, colourful and decorated how I want it. Lots of books that I don't necessarily have time to read. I can leave my makeup bag out on the bathroom counter if I want to and even leave curtains closed if I want some atmosphere--or throw them open. It's probably a little cluttered but not too messy. I have space to write and paint. 

Yamada is finishing up university and is happy doing their own thing, but I see them on holidays and we chat a lot on WhatsApp. 

I travel, maybe solo, maybe with friends, maybe once a year with Yamada if I can pull them away from their own life. Perhaps three trips a year or maybe more frequently. If I want to, I can ask a friend to water my plants (of which I don't have too many, but some herbs I don't want to die) while I'm gone and go more frequently or even just spur of the moment because I saw a cheap ticket somewhere I haven't been before. I am brave and even go places I didn't think I could go on my own where no one speaks my language. I put a new pin in my wall map whenever I get back.

Perhaps I am still writing books or just picking up some freelance work whenever I want to to keep my mind busy. I take classes and workshops that seem interesting. I make things, because I always like to make things. Maybe I've finally figured out crazy quilting and have made something with the huge stash of batik fabrics I've had sitting in a drawer for years. Maybe I volunteer sometimes, though more likely I mentor.

I have game nights with friends. Maybe I run a Roll20 game online every other week. Maybe weekly, but maybe not. Heck, maybe I just do one shots. 

I walk a lot, because I love to walk London. I know the names of the butcher and the veg sellers. I visit markets. I'm fairly frugal, but every now and then I'll splash out on something I want. The money in the bank is doing okay. I bake cookies at Christmas again and give them out. Sometimes I'll go across town and visit people around Portobello that I still know, if they're still there. 

I'm exercising frequently too and keeping myself healthy. I've kept the weight off and not let it creep back on. I don't use a gym, just do stuff at home, maybe even run around a local park or the streets. 

Sometimes I forget to do anything fancy for dinner, but I always have things on hand I can throw together and make some weird glop that tastes good even if it looks questionable. No one is there to make a comment on it or how I use my utensils or that I use a dishwasher instead of handwashing...though if it isn't a lot, I'll just wash it. I can leave dishes out to dry on the drying rack if I want to. 

I have my morning coffee after I exercise and shower. Sometimes, I do my Vietnamese coffee at home and sometimes I'll walk somewhere to a coffee shop to get out. I say hello to dogs that I pass.

I find my list of museums in London and check off all the ones I hadn't visited yet (I need to find that list; maybe I'll add it here...used to keep it on Yamada's blog). 

I play whatever music I want, any time I want. I binge watch Korean dramas and anime, though sometimes I space them out to keep it going longer. But, I don't watch a lot (often just when exercising). I go to the Prince Charles Cinema whenever they have something funky playing. 

I try out new Chinatown restaurants whenever one opens. I wander through the National Portrait Gallery at a slow pace, staring into the eyes of each portrait that looks interesting. Sometimes I take a sketchbook. 

That's enough for now.

As Pink says, Today was a Shit Day

Been talking it out with a friend and don't actually feel like rehashing it here and some of it is related to Yamada and I don't want to talk over those details. But I shall just say that nothing went as intended today. And trying to sort the legal side of things is awful and stressful. 

And sleep is still an elusive beast. I took a sleeping pill and had a warm soak. I just want to make it past 4 AM, please.

Weigh In

For the last while, I had been using ChatGPT to track every bit of exercise and calories (and protein and fibre). And it worked. But right now I'm just focusing on surviving. I am still weighing in so I can correct if I start to trend the wrong way, though that hasn't been a problem as yet as my appetite is very low (stomach has been a mess). I am still exercising, though I haven't always been getting in my full hour. Like, today I did 30 minutes with the weights. But I've done at least something every day.

So. A weigh in since I'm not tracking via AI right now. 

Today: 47.5 kg (104.7 lbs). 18.5% body fat

My goal is to stay roughly between 45 and 48 kg (100 - 105 lbs). I was able to get off the blood pressure medication at 120 lbs. In high school, I was 85 lbs. I haven't been anywhere near this weight since university (I remember hitting 110/115 when we lived in Miami after we graduated and how traumatic that was). Up to 110 is still ok, but If I can stay 105/below, even better.

Not that it did me any good with the husband.

Frustration

Short entry today as I am super tired. Woke up at like 3:56 and then was mostly up until 6, then with just a bit of dozing. Slept a slight bit between 6 and 7:30 but the dog was all over the place. 

Big thing today -- tried to open a Fidelity account as it will save me about 9K in fees every year. However, couldn't do it online as I was born in the US, even though I renounced my citizenship back in 2019. So end result after time on phone (so fun) is that I need to go into London and apply in person and bring my evidence that I am no longer American. It's worth a £70 ticket to save that much a year. I do like the current place I'm at for customer service BUT 9K in savings a year is big, especially over time. So small bit of pain for a good effect. It just draws out the stress. I do have my half of the cash in hand now, which makes me feel less adrift. So I'll try and go Friday.

I have a random purple bruise on my knee, no idea how it got there.

Had an almost 5K walk today but it was rainy and awful, so part of it was in Tesco.

Yamada has gained their appetite, but also is still very up and down and didn't make it into school. I am trying to be patient. But I do think they'd actually feel better if they went. But the school is being understanding. 

Otherwise...eh, husband and I both researched what the next steps are and lawyer costs and timeline and whew even though we've agreed everything, we have to get it all written up legally and it's likely going to take 6 months or more. So while on the one hand I feel like everything is moving kind of fast and I'm not ready, it's also all going to take a long time. Tomorrow I need to call some lawyers to get things started. I am not looking forward to this.

I feel like I accomplished very little today. And tomorrow am stuck at home as waiting on new car delivery and one of Yamada's Christmas gifts. So. There you go. Tuesday.

Oh! Forgot. Got a Christmas card from a friend I met playing a mobile game, so I chatted with her in Discord and talked for a bit. We're going to try and reconnect, which will be great. She lives reasonably near in Leamington Spa. She'd come over once and we had a Kpop hot pot night and sat out by the firepit. 

I did say daily, didn't I?

I don't know why I said daily, but I guess it's a good check in. I'm very tired today. Just not sleeping well, waking up too early. Taking some herbal sleepy time kind of pills to try and get me to sleep too.

Anyway. Today. Did manage to to go to the gym. Did run into one of the old ladies, but had no difficult questions. I think I'm just not going to say anything if I don't have to. A lie of omission. Because I don't want to cry at the gym. Maybe in a month or so when things aren't so raw. Managed 5K. Mix of hill climb and run. Charged the stupid car for hopefully the last time ever.

Yamada was very off and didn't make it into school. I feel so very very helpless when that happens because there's not much I can do but wait. And make food. Which is such an Asian mom thing to do, I guess.

Told husband about the thing that had been bugging me. A mutual friend had told me that he said I gave him an ultimatum. I did not. All I had said was that he needed to go off and think and figure out whether he could be better to us. He obviously came back with a resounding NO but there you go. I wouldn't call that an ultimatum. I didn't say sort yourself out or I'm leaving or anything like that. But in the new quest for radical honesty and not swallowing things anymore, I told him I didn't like that and that I would like him to NOT tell his dad that. He apologised. He's apologising a lot now, but it's all too late, isn't it?

Anyway. Again. We finished sorting the agreed upon terms. Split-wise, I'll be winding up more like 54% vs. 46% but I'll have primary responsibility for Yamada, though we are going to split uni costs. And it's a lot more expensive to live here (and London, where I plan to return) than where he'll be. 

It honestly makes me feel sick to the stomach to discuss that stuff, even over chat. How do 34 years come down to that? It's so transactional. But I have to look out for myself and for Yamada. But I hate it. I really hate it. The cash portion has already been transferred to my investment account and I need to move it somewhere with less fees (same fund, less fees) to be smart. Need to start that this week. Couldn't summon the wherewithal to do it today, though I've already done the research for where it is going. I've also moved enough to cover the next year's living expenses over to my normal bank account. 

Heard back from the gym lady. My membership contract goes until September. I really wish we hadn't redone (and added Yamada's friend) the memberships back in September this year, but it is what it is. I don't have any easy way to prove change in income (and, to be fair, I can afford it...but I'm trying to reduce my outflow because I really don't know what the next while is going to entail). So I'll keep it until then I guess. Yamada is thinking he may ditch his if we can get a treadmill at home. We'll see. He has a 90 day notice he has to give, so we can think about it a bit.

What else? Ah. I was feeling antsy and didn't think I could do any writing, so I sorted and cleaned out the DVD cabinet. Am keeping quite a few (mostly old stuff you can't easily find, even streaming) but cleaned out probably 200 or close to it. Listed some on FB, we'll see if anyone wants any. If not, will take to CEX or donate.

Made dinner. One of those pre-done/reheat meat in a box things, but it wasn't bad. Made Yamada roasted potatoes and a side of sautéed leek + peppers. I skipped the potatoes and had salad, upon which I put too many wasabi sesame seeds. 

Had a bath. Yeah, that was pretty much it. Some more research. Ordered some stuff for Yamada. 

I just feel really empty today. It's 10:30 now, going to head to bed.

New-ish Wheels

I did pretty good today. Only briefly cried twice, randomly. But, I got up -- at 6:45, thanks to the Damn Dog -- and did an hour of strength training with dumbbells. Yamada was up, made them a coffee and toast. Called about the one car (Peugeot) and made an appointment to see it. Drove ALL the way over there in the rain (it was in Leicester) and test drove it. Got back, did some more research and searches, and decided it was the way to go (better car than the Ford I was also looking at), negotiated a tiny bit, paid a deposit, and the car should be delivered on Wednesday...after which I will never ever have to drive that stupid MG again. Did more research, found car insurance, and set that up. All that's left is for car to get here, check it out and verify things, and pay the car tax.

Also got Yamada to do the mini Christmas tree with me and we ordered out for dinner and watched an episode of the Apothecary Diaries. Yamada left the bedroom!! Doing the tree did give me a bit of a cry, but we hugged it out and were okay. Next year, we'll do a slightly bigger tree, but probably never again a massive huge one like we used to get. I can't get something like that on or off a car.

Lots of research-y things today so in some ways I don't feel like I did a lot but on the other hand, I sorted a car. That's enough. Every step counts.

But did talk to the Italian guy I've been doing some freelance work for and have picked some more up, which is good. Selling the MG once husband is done with it will offset the Peugeot's cost, but I'm adding more work AND have cut 1000 per month in estimated expenses so far and possibly some more to come. 

Yamada and I are discussing whether we want to keep the gym membership going (or for how long) and maybe just get a home treadmill and some more weights instead. And I'd be fine with that, honestly. Rearranging the living room a bit and we have room. Had thought we'd use the pool / steam room / sauna more but they are broken half the time. 

So, little by little, sorting things out. 

Weight staying steady at 47.8. Not doing active tracking like I had been, just being reasonable. Also don't have a lot of appetite. My goal was around here, but I think I can range between 45 and 48ish and be okay, especially as I tone up more. Body fat at 19% which is a far cry lower than where I was when I started.

Today was coffee with collagen powder, mushroom soup + protein flatbread toast, 1 chocolate. Since we ordered out, some not very good for me chicken (4 pieces), and a raw carrot. Half of a hot chocolate. Horrible rainy day, so not many steps, but at least I had the hour of working out.

Did tell one cousin about it all as she was asking lots of questions, but she's the quiet one and I trust her not to say anything to anyone yet. Don't want to ruin father-in-law's wedding experience for his granddaughter. 

I gotta come up with a name to call soon to be former husband as I don't like using real names here. I'll figure something out at some point.

One step forwards, two steps back

Today was good and bad. I guess every day is good and bad now, sometimes just a lot more bad than others. Last night, I did a meditation thing around 10:30 and nearly fell asleep, then thought to myself, hey, self, you should close that app. And did. And put the phone right down again. But then I was awake until almost 1. Woke up at 6:45. Couldn't get back to sleep. Went for a walk, just 4K, but I guess that was better than continuing to lie there and think.

Organised a bookshelf so it didn't have conspicuously empty spots. Put some more things in the "to go away" stack. Cleaned off some of the things on the kitchen windowsill. Had a small act of rebellion and put the dish with the sponge on the windowsill instead of under the cabinet. I think it dries better there and doesn't make the inside of the cabinet smell. Hung up some more art. Cancelled the Ad Free for Prime as haven't watched anything on there in ages (have also cancelled other things, like Viki).

Accomplishments...

Went by myself to the largest used car dealership in the area. There weren't many cars in my price range that were automatic, and I learned I need to scratch Audi from my list (older models don't support Apple Carplay). He did show me a Ford though, which I hadn't had on my list and it wasn't bad at all. Everything was positioned well for me and the rear boot door opens sideways instead of up. But when I got home and researched it, could see it was overpriced. But I did find another one, with supposedly the nicer trim, elsewhere as well as a nice looking Peugeot. Had to scratch a lot of other cars off my list too--any Mercedes or BMWs and some others that were within the budget I set myself have close to 100K miles. I feel like that's too much. The two I'm considering now are both under 40K.

I am proud of myself for doing this. I hate car shopping. It is hard. I always feel like no matter which I choose, it will be the wrong one. Though now I have to go see those two cars, and one is in Leicester (37 miles away) and the other is in Birmingham (20ish away). And the weather is crap. I don't like to drive here, but I'll do it, because I need to.

The Harder today was that Yamada was in a bad way. They go nearly catatonic with a bad episode and, as far as I can tell, there's nothing you can do except wait it out and bring food. Bit better now, but we didn't get the Christmas Tree decorated or anything like that. Yamada barely left their room (or bed) today.

And I hate that. I hate it because I feel so utterly helpless when that happens. I would do anything if I could fix it for Yamada and make things better.

So I did have a few wee cries today, but at least they didn't last too long. Am trying to talk myself out of them. 

Other good. My niece sent me a fancy face mask, so I'm trying it out. I had a bath, which I've been doing nightly. Got some magnesium flakes and lavender bath stuff. It does help. And I've been taking those herbal sleepy/calm pills, which also do help a bit. Don't want to take the full strength Nytol every night.

And I keep thinking about what a friend (mutual friend of the two of us) said after I told her a bit about my side of why he left me/I gave up. She said that he was a lot of fun...until he's not. And that's so true. He can be great...until he's not. And then he's really not. And she said she wasn't surprised.

Sigh. I'm so tired.

In other good news, back about a month ago I had installed Bumble For Friends. I'd tried it out ages ago in London and had kind of met some people and I thought I'd try it again. This was before the world crumbled. Anyway, I'd had it on both male and female at first and then quickly switched to just female as it was obvious the dudes weren't looking for just friendship even though it is literally in the name of the app. Anyway, one lady I've been chatting with seems nice and a good possibility and hopefully we'll meet up in the new year.

I do not think I will ever try a dating app. 

Another Day...

Writing has always helped me. I'm going to try to write in here more often. Also because I don't feel like I know how my finances are going to shake out yet and I don't want to add a therapy charge on top of anything else until I know. Which maybe isn't good, but my dude (who I shall henceforth refer to as Yamada), is going weekly right now for £160 a pop. And Yamada needs it. I haven't written about any of that, but I'm going to sit that out for now. I don't think anyone reads this, but you never know, even though I don't have it indexed. Search is sneaky. And Yamada's business is Yamada's business.

Anyway. Today. Yamada didn't make it into school. They'd made the rest of the week but today was just too much. And you know what, fair. Every day has been hard and I find myself randomly sobbing out of nowhere. But, I needed to charge that hateful car today, so I went to the gym where there are chargers and gave it a shot. I made it through 5K, a bit of running, but mostly hill climb so I could watch Campfire Cooking in Another World. I was lucky in that none of the old ladies that know anything about me were in at the same time, so I got out without any questions. And then I went to Sainsbury's and managed to buy the tiniest little Christmas tree ever (they'd had more the day before--I wish I'd bought one then) without crying. We're going to decorate our little Charlie Brown tree tomorrow.

I did put up some Christmas decorations. And I've been hanging up art that's been sitting in the closet. I just want -- need -- things to feel different. Other. And I'm making a stack of husband stuff in an out of the way corner of the living room for him to pack. Old me would have done the packing but new me is tired.

I am swapping between ok, relieved, terrified, and lonely on a regular basis. But trying to breathe and reclaim myself. I had some small acts of rebellion -- I swirled my coffee, which he hated and would complain about. I only opened the curtains half way instead of all the way. I researched possible used cars so I can be shut of his car that I absolutely detest and makes my blood boil (charging it today was a fiasco, I had to try three machines to get it to connect and it was freezing outside). 

Instead of Friday pizza, we had crispy duck and pancakes and some hoisin duck bao. We watched an episode of the Apothecary Diaries together. Yamada suggested that we pick a different meal every Friday (instead of our traditional homemade pizza night) and we're going to call it Fancy Fridays until we come up with a better name. I played whatever music I wanted, which was not, contrary to what he seemed to think I listened to, any man-hating stuff. As evidenced by my Spotify wrapped, I mostly listen to K-Pop and fast songs good for exercising to. 

We decided on a new tradition: Katsu Curry Christmas. 

So progress was made. I still took a bath and sobbed for a bit, but there were moments of okay-ness today.

Eggshells

The thing that I have been threatened with and feared for so many years has finally happened, though perhaps not in the way I thought it would. After 34 years, instead of leaving me in a fit of drunken anger or just plain cruelty, my husband is leaving me because he doesn't want to hurt me anymore. And that is a true thing, but it is also true that, in a lot of ways, I think it was easier for him to leave than to actually try and change or be better. He's refused to try therapy or counselling or anything like that and 

I have stayed because I love him. I have stayed, at times, because I had no choice--literally no choice: stuck in another country with nowhere to return to and no help and a child. I have stayed because there were also good times and because there was always hope and glimmers of the man that I loved. 

I am not perfect either. Though I had tried many times to tell him, I should have tried harder, been more honest instead of scared. Now it's too late.

I'll write more another time. I'm just so exhausted.

The Water Magician

I'm not sure what appealed to me about The Water Magician--it seemed soft somehow? But I thought I'd try it. I also *thought* it was fully released, but it isn't, dammit.

It is, honestly, standard isekai fare. Ryo is reincarnated into a fantasy world called Phi after an accident. The "angel" (?) who gives him the news doesn't realise until after he's off that Ryo has a hidden ability -- Eternal Youth, which, as far as I can tell, means the Fairy King likes him. They mythology of Phi is a bit of a mish-mash, given the Fairy King and demons, and multi-level dungeons, but fairly "normal" for isekai.

Ryo is quite OP and isn't totally obtuse, which is nice. I did like that the first part of the series was him sorting things out all by his lonesome at a remote cabin. Though, like every character that wishes for a "slow life", he is soon catapulted into anything but.

So, while it isn't groundbreaking in anyway and if you think about it objectively, a little underwhelming (there's fair bit where he's not even the focus, in some ways), I am liking it. There's no harem, though there is an elf girl that immediately sees how special he is (he is, after all, carrying a weapon and clothes from the Fairy King himself). She must figure largely at some point, but we've barely seen her other than her being his library buddy, but the entire end credit sequence is devoted to her so she must be "big". Or the animators just like elf girls.

There's a fair bit of "bromance" as he's pals with a talented fighter named Abel (he saved Abel after a shipwreck and then helped get him back home, which is how he was rousted from his cozy but lonely house). I do like their somewhat snarky and bemused relationship. 

I'm just about caught up on currently released episodes and this probably isn't one that I'd go out and buy the books for (unless they go a lot more in depth), but it is the kind of isekai I'd recommend to those who've never seen one -- it doesn't have the "ick" that a lot of them do.

Solo Camping for Two

So...I'm holding off on the Betrothed to my Sister's Ex until they are all released. I'm all caught up on Silent Witch (which I am enjoying a lot). I should finish Miss Night and Day but I've been in the mood for short episodes and not long ones. Not sure I'm going to finish Cinderella's Closet (or, if I do, it'll be after they are all released). And there's a few in progress ones that are up to the angsty bits and I've been putting them off. So...I started Solo Camping for Two. Which I just realised isn't fully released either. Sigh.

I honestly almost didn't go on after the first episode because the female character is really quite whiny and entitled. But let me go back to what it's about first...

Gen, the dude, loves to go camping by himself. It's how he escapes the humdrum of life in the city. On this particular fateful camping trip, he returns to his campfire to find a half dressed woman drying herself on his campfire (she fell in a river). She came to camp but got lost, showed up after the camping office was closed, and didn't bring a tent with her. Yeah. She's kinda useless, but she gloms onto him and complains when he's grumpy. 

Then she somehow convinces him to go with her another time so she can properly learn how to solo camp, hence the solo camping for two thing. In the first two episodes, I can't say I like her much. She demands a lot of a total stranger and whines. A lot. If it weren't for her cooking, I can't imagine why he agrees to any of it.

She gets a bit better (am starting on episode 4 now) as she learns. This show reminds me a bit of Laid Back Camp except it's obviously more adult (though not much, really...just has older characters) and the probability of some romance is high (her friends are pushing that button...I mean, fair, who starts camping one on one with a total stranger of the opposite sex?). It's a bit of slice of life and somewhat educational (I'm learning a bit about camping, which is not something I've ever done really). 

So I'd say it's getting better, but not that I love it. There does appear to be a live action version as well, so it must have been a fairly big hit. I wonder if she's any more palatable in the live action? Or if it's worse? I've not had great luck with Japanese live action shows.

I will, however, note that this might be the most apt casting I've seen compared to the anime art.

Right vibe, unlike the live action of Takane and Hana.

Officer Black Belt

Thought I'd do something different and watch a movie. I'd thought Officer Black Belt with Kim Woo-Bin was a drama series but saw it was actually a movie and figured it would be a good foray into something different. I've always heard good things about him, but hadn't really seen him in anything. He's well known for Uncontrollably Fond but I know he dies in it and it's a sad ending, so I haven't seen it. He's also in one that's just releasing that I'm more likely to watch now (as I liked him in this) called Genie, Make a Wish. He does make an appearance in A Gentleman's Dignity, but I didn't make it all the way through that one and looks like he was a smaller part in it and I don't remember him (honestly, I've mostly tried to put that hackneyed series totally out of mind). 

I'd say my only quibble about this film at all is that he's 36 and, while I'm not sure how old the character is supposed to be, I'm pretty sure it's a lot younger than that. Not that he looks old or anything and he can definitely kick ass, but he doesn't look like he's in his early 20s. 

But let me start over. He plays Lee Jung-Do, a prodigy at martial arts (3rd dan in, like, everything) and he delivers food for his dad's chicken restaurant and plays games with his friends. His nickname is Diarrhea, though thankfully they never explain why. His friends are "Moisture" and "Earthworm" and "Writer Kang". 

He happens to come upon a probation martial arts officer fighting an ankle-monitor wearing criminal and steps in and saves the day. So impressed with his abilities, the office recruits him. He's a bit unsure at first but quickly becomes gung-ho. He's a nice guy and helping people out fuels him. He's also intuitive, brave, and once this other world is revealed to him he can't go back to just having fun.

Long story short, there's some good bits with his older partner (Kim Sun-Min, played by Kim Sung-Kyun), a lot of kick-ass intense (and realistic) fight scenes, and he gets onto a task force tracking one particular horrible criminal who has just been released. This dude (played by Lee Hyun-Geol) is as bad as they come--he preys on children and he also gets right back to business once he is released. That actor has been in about a billion things and I feel like he's often a bad guy.

After the poor dude Jung-Do had saved the first time is killed and his partner has his neck broken (but survives) and Jung-Do himself is stabbed and beaten (not without taking out an absolute herd first), he goes a bit rogue with some help from his posse and succeeds in tracking down the escaped bad guy.

Some things are a bit light on plot and development -- but it's essentially a buddy cop movie where the good guys win and kick a lot of butt but also bad stuff happens. Kim Won-Bin has an easy charm about him and I can see why he's talked about so much. I'll definitely try some of his other stuff, though not Uncontrollably Fond. I don't enjoy tragedies, no matter how good the story or acting is. Officer Black Belt was a solid movie, especially if you like gritty, realistic fight scenes and seeing justice served.

Cinderella's Closet

Ok, so I'd been watching Ascendance of a Bookworm, where I'm up to episode 26. But I was getting a bit overloaded on it and I honestly do not love the High Priest character all that much as he just seems like he's scheming to get as much out of her as possible...and Main herself...she was a grown woman supposedly before but she feels more like a kid. It's, like, get a CLUE please. Also, you now know you have so much mana you're practically a mana battery and can do spells, basically, so why don't you do anything with that??

Anyway. All that to say I had to take a break. And I have just 4 episodes of Miss Night and Day left, but for some reason I didn't want to go back to that quite yet. So I thought I'd try a short episode JDrama called Cinderella's Closet. Maybe that was the deciding factor, actually -- the episodes are only about 20 minutes long. I've watched 5 of them now.

So...Haruka is a country girl gone to the big city for university (or maybe just to live? I thought it was for uni but looking back, I don't think I've seen a single scene where she's in class?). She was sporty before and thought moving there she'd have a chance to get more "girly" and experience all kinds of things -- like getting a boyfriend.

She has a crush on Kurotaki (sp? ...too lazy to look it up) who works with her at a cafe. He's kind of an "every dude" and handsome enough, though he's weirdly very connected for someone who also works at the same place she does when she's constantly complaining about how broke she is.

She winds up running into Hikaru, who is a cross dresser and equally beautiful either when dressed as a woman or a man. She doesn't actually realise at first that he is male. Through reasons, he winds up helping her with her makeup/confidence. And, at this point in the drama, she's dating Kurotaki but Hikaru has his own painful crush on her. Complicating matters is the reappearance of Kurotaki's old girlfriend, who is now a successful YouTube or whatever makeup artist personality. She obviously still has the hots for him. 

They've not particularly made Kurotaki out to be a bad guy; he was reluctant to date her when he thought she was putting him on a pedestal (she was). He was actually pretty self aware -- and he realises quickly that Hikaru's crush is Haruka. There's a brief plot bit where he runs into Hikaru as a guy and doesn't realise it's Hikaru--and Hikaru gives his name as Keisuke (or something like that), but they didn't prolong that deception for very long at all. I imagine that's because of the shortness of the episodes.

It's obvious that H&H will wind up together, though things will conspire against them for a while first. I am not entirely sure I'm going to finish it, but I might since it is so short (though it isn't all released yet). Matsumoto Leo as Hikaru is the biggest bright spot. He shines no matter what he wears and other than particularly loud and frequent exclamations of surprise, his acting is nice. Good expressive eyes. 

Ichika Osaki as Haruka is a bit more painful as it's that kind of flailing over-act-y style. When she has to show real emotion, she does good, but in a lot of the other moments, you kind of want to shake her. I guess, all around, the acting is a bit more unpolished? It'll be fine for a while and then there's bits where you just cringe. And she screams a lot. And when I say "a lot" I mean all the time.

That said, it's charming enough and I like the way they're handling Hikaru's character. Though he may be sharp tongued, he's a walking green flag.

It's been shit

I've been crying a lot today. It's been a lot. Mostly to do with the little dude and I don't want to get into specifics but I'm just at the end of my rope. I am lonely. I am lost. I've just had enough. I am unseen.

Secrets of the Silent Witch

Oooh look, it's not an isekai!

Yes, I added Secrets of the Silent Witch to my watch list and I am, sadly, caught up through episode 7 (somehow, I didn't notice it was still ongoing). 

Monica Everett is 16 with the requisite tragic backstory (it appears she was a cheerful, precocious child until she witnessed her father being burnt alive at the stake, all because his research into life-saving stuff/magic was misunderstood). She is intelligent and the first (and only) to master casting without chanting--which she did mainly because she is now painfully, cripplingly shy in front of people and can hardly speak in front of anyone without throwing up or fainting. Though she's now one of the revered 7 Sages, she lives the life of a recluse, though she pops up in emergencies to defeat dragons and whatnot.

That is, until another of the 7 Sages makes her go undercover to protect the second prince, who at first isn't sure if she's infiltrated his school to assassinate him or what.

But she slowly but surely wins over the Student Council (especially including the prince and his most loyal lapdog, Lord Ashley). I have no idea at this point if this will have any romance in it or not, but I would not at all mind if it goes the way of the silver haired tsundere instead of the blonde prince. 

She's also making friends for probably the first time in her life (poor dad was killed when she looked to be about 5? and it seems she was perhaps raised after that by an uncle who hated her). 

I wasn't sure about it at first because I don't love characters who have no backbone, but she's believable and is trying her best. I'm curious to see how it goes.

Dear Otome Shutting Down

Ah, I saw the notice that the Dear Otome app is shutting down this coming October. I haven't actually played any of them (Ninja Shadow, Love Tangle, Guard Me Sherlock, Lost Alice, Blood & Roses, Wizardess Heart, etc) in ages and ages (probably 2019?), but there was a period I'd spent a lot of time on them. I can't say any of them were particularly well written...in fact, some were atrocious. But they all had a bit of charm. Out of them, I'd say probably the Ninja Shadow one was the one I was least annoyed by. Still, it makes me a bit nostalgic and sad. 

A little bit of Zen in your life

It's been a bit of a rough time lately. Do I want to go into why? No, not really. I'll just leave it at that. So I decided to play my comfort game: Mystic Messenger. I hadn't done a full play through in quite a long time because, honestly, I need sleep. But the husband was gone to Madeira, I'm literally losing hair from some stressful situations, and I needed something. 

So I'm doing a Zen play through. Even though he's the first recommended route and a lot of people think 707 is the proper "canon" route, he's my favourite. He's been my phone lock screen for, eh, years. He probably shouldn't be the one I turn to for comfort...I mean, after all, if you just take it skin deep, he seems like a complete narcissist. But I've always felt like there was more to him than that and, no matter who's route you're in, he's always there supporting you. He always loves you.

I came across this Tumblr post today that goes into why there are some people who think Zen is the "true" route and, I gotta say, I really like this take. It also makes me sad, but I get it. Zen doesn't love the MC -- he loves YOU. That's some 4th wall breaking stuff and maybe is why the April Fool's DLC has always made me sad too. He's stuck somewhere and me, yeah, I'm stuck somewhere too.

I know it's just pixels and programming and, heck, it isn't even AI as how old is Mystic Messenger now? Holy cow, 2016. Just looked. Nine years ago. I've been playing it since 2018, though it's been awhile since I finished all the good routes. Eh, I can't even do the bad endings, at least not on purpose. I'll never be a completionist. Yoosung and all his Rika talk annoys the shit out of me but I still can't be mean to the poor boy.

Anyway. Not really sure where I was going with this. I guess I just needed to vent. And save that one Tumblr post because, hey, I get it. I do hope that Cheritz continue to keep the game out there even though they don't really update much of anything any more. I still prefer it over the Ssum (I only lasted about a month or so playing that one) and I will very much miss Zen when someday all that's left are the CGs and the app is shut down.

Hmmm. Maybe Zen is why Felix from Stray Kids is my fav KPop artist. He reminds me of him somehow. Except in interviews he seems the opposite -- not a narcissist at all; super sweet.

Edit: Eh, dammit. And I'm through the Party and husband is due back tomorrow so I really can't justify starting another route. I did enjoy visiting Zen again though. And he's inspired me to write something. It's for me -- not something I anticipate sending to an agent or editor, so I'm posting it on Wattpad.

Miss Night and Day

I'm not sure why, but Tastefully Yours hadn't tempted me back to watch another episode (maybe because the male lead seems like such a selfish jerk and I feel like if she knew what he was planning, she wouldn't forgive him? I dunno). I decided to try one that had interested me a while back: Miss Night and Day, as it seemed like it had humour, romance, and some drama. And it has some actors my age.

Lee Mi-Jin is in her late 20's and has been trying for 8 years to pass the civil service exam and get a job. She's put off everything else and worked hard, but she's got no luck. Then she gets taken in by a scammer (if it's too good to be true...). She's plucky but desperate. She winds up meeting a prosecutor (Gye Ji-Ung, played by Choi Jin-Hyuk who I've seen in some other things where he wasn't the main lead) who helps her out. 

But then things take a magical turn when a mystical cat (?) curses her (?) -- while wishing she could be someone else as she falls into a well after it. By day, she looks like a 50 something year old woman (the actress is 3 years older than me, thankfully) and she only looks like herself at night. That first day is traumatic as her parents think she's an intruder and she has no idea what's going on. 

Anyway, things happen and she winds up getting a job as a senior intern at the prosecutor's office. There's also her best friend (who is the first person to believe her when she sees the transformation for herself) who is a Beauty YouTuber/Streamer and a possibly disgraced but still worshipped Kpop Idol (who seems to be a decent guy and is likely to be the secondary male lead who probably gets paired with the best friend, if I had to guess) completing his military service as a civil servant in the office too.

And...there's the random serial killer who, it appears, killed the prosecutor's mother years ago and possibly had something to do with the disappearance of Mi-Jin's aunt (who's name and ID she's using as her 50 year old self). I swear, if you only watched Kdramas, you'd think there's an awful lot of serial killers out there and they all operate for large spans of time...

Anyway, I'm enjoying the disconnect between the 50 year old acting like an energetic 28 year old. I enjoy that actress anyway. And Jung Young-Joo and Jung Suk-Yong are her parents --- how many times have they played the parents in shows I've watched? I've lost count. But I like them, though they are generally always over the top (they are also 2 years older than me).

I've seen 3 episodes so far and it is moving along at a decent pace and I'm enjoying it. Will update later. I think the serial killer stuff will wear a bit thin, but it'll be okay.

Edit: I'm now around 10 episodes in. The romance between the leads is definitely slow burn and full of misunderstandings, though I didn't anticipate the Second Lead Syndrome that I'm seeing. Ko Won (the Kpop Idol guy) is actually very sweet and loyal and I honestly wouldn't have minded at all if the romance went that direction, though Mi-Jin, when she met him first as her "old" self" obviously feels kinda more maternal towards him? Maybe because her friend has been crushing on him for so long, how they met, and she'd already started to fall for Mr. Prosecutor. By the time Ko Won figures out what's going on (showing that *he's* paying attention, even if no one else does), the ship has already sailed. But I do actually very much like his character. He's done a lot for her and seems like such a sweet kid. But he does seem like a kid. Anyway, still enjoying the show, more than anything else I've tried in a while.

Edit: Okay! 14 September, but finally finished this one. I quite enjoyed it. It did have a couple of minor issues plus one surprise, but I'd definitely put this on the "good" list. Some notes, in no particular order:

• It took Male Lead approximately FOREVER to figure out the deal and he had to be just about hit over the head with it. Ko Won (the Idol) was done dirty in this show; he figured it out w-a-y before anyone else and was the greenest supportive always-a-bridesmaid green flag, but he was barely even in the last few episodes.
• And once ML did figure it out, his reaction was all mostly "why didn't you tell me" and O, woe, the effect on ME. I didn't actually think that was all that in character for him, to be fair, but it was annoying. Like, there was nothing from him on OMG, you've been going through a lot.
• The surprise was that best friend did NOT end up with the Idol she'd been crushing on forever; in fact, they never even met. But she did wind up with...drumroll...the comic relief prosecutor/investigator guy that worked with the ML who's gotta be 10 or 15 years older. Actually, I gotta look. Ok, Yoon Byung-Hee was born in 1981. And Kim A-Young in 1994. Yep, 13 years difference. They were truly the odd couple but also oddly endearing. I have no complaints, but I will colour myself surprised.
• The end did the we must break up for noble martyr reasons, then Female Lead must Improve Herself to then meet up again and immediately resume romance, with nary any contact in-between. I freaking hate that. And it was all in the last episode, so WHY do this anyway? What's the reasoning?

Anyway, I did enjoy it. I'm glad I watched it. I don't think I'd watch it again, but I would recommend it to people.

The Magical Revolution of the Reincarnated Princess and the Genius Young Lady

I was underwhelmed a bit by Witch Watch so I picked up another new one: The Magical Revolution of the Reincarnated Princess and the Genius Young Lady. It's an isekai.

It is not, however, exactly how it is billed: "Noblewoman Euphyllia loses her title as heir to the throne. Silly Princess Anisphia secretly plots to restore Euphyllia's honor."

Euphyllia is, indeed, a noblewoman who was on track to become the next queen -- by marrying the Prince (who's name starts with A, though I've forgotten what it was, but you can just think of him as "Asshole"). She is the Genius Young Lady of the title. The Prince cancels their betrothal in a very public setting, pushing her aside for another Baron's daughter and claiming that she bullied the other girl (who's name I also have no idea what it is). It's obviously either fabricated or the machinations of someone. 

Anisphia or Anis is, also, indeed a princess. She renounced her claim to the throne because she has no magic. She's the isekai'd one and regains her memories at the magical age of 5, when it usually seems to manifest. She is an inventor and is working on "magicology" -- harnessing spirit stones that hold magic to make magical inventions so that potentially anyone could use magic. She's not really silly, though she is highly energetic and unorthodox.

When the Prince rejects Euphie, Anis immediately takes over and whisks her away and asks the King to "give" Euphie to her -- for an assistant. Though she apparently also has a crush. Not sure yet if the Yuri stuff here will be fully developed, but it is strongly suggested.

Interestingly, they are spending a fair bit of time on Euphie's transition from Queen to Be to Anis' assistant. I'm finding it interesting and engaging so far. Kinda glad that Anis isn't just "silly".  Will update once I've watched more.

Witch Watch

So...this one sounded interesting and I sort of like it, but am also having reservations. Witch Watch features a young witch returning back after time away studying and she takes her former childhood friend (?) as her familiar, as he's an oni. What she doesn't know, but the dude and her mom and the guy's dad know, is that there's a prophecy that she's going to have some doom befall her in the next year and this is possibly the only way to combat it. 

I do like Morihito Otogi, the ogre guy. He's deadpan, loyal, responsible, hard working, a bit lonely. The set up is okay, though the whole forced proximity living together without parental supervision is overdone (and given that they KNOW something bad is supposed to happen, seems kinda dumb -- the mom is back trying to get more power to prophesize some more and the dad is away in a foreign country for business).

But the witch girl, Nico, is painfully clueless, irresponsible, and mostly annoying. And in episode 3 they just introduced another childhood friend to be jealous of ogre boy. And she's got delusions of love but Moi boy is just trying to keep her in one piece. I'm sure they are an endgame couple, but so far I honestly want him to just do his duty and then be shut of her. The glimpses into their childhood show her to have been pretty much just as bad before. 

So...I dunno. I'll give it a couple more but if she doesn't gain at least half a clue, I may have to drop it. I think she's supposed to be endearing, but I'm old and she's just annoying.

Aharen-san wa Hakarenai

Just finished the second (and final) season of  Aharen-san wa Hakarenai (aka Aharen-san is Indecipherable) and thought I'd already written about it, but apparently I haven't.

It's a charming little rom-com about two poker-faced, slightly awkward people. There's the super tall Raido and the itty-bitty Aharen, who barely speaks above a whisper. What makes it stand out, perhaps, as that's a common enough thing (Komi Can't Communicate, etc. etc.) is the wild flights of fantasy that Raido comes up with. He's got a bizarre imagination.

I don't actually want to re-hash it all as I'm feel very blech today as I fell on the treadmill and messed myself up and have taken cocodamol. That's actually why I finished it today when I should be working. Let's just say that it was a nice watch, very comforting, a bit bizarre, and definitely full of charm.

Am I glad I watched it? Yes. Would I watch it again? Hmmmmmm maybe? Not sure the bizarro jokes would land as well a second time, but maybe.

Betrothed to My Sister's Ex

Even though Betrothed to My Sister's Ex isn't fully released, I decided to dive in. Following in the footsteps of many other Cinderella-esque takes, Marie is the younger daughter (not stepdaughter) of an impoverished baron. Her older sister, Anastasia, is the "beautiful" blonde one while she's supposed to be the "ugly" redhead and she's relegated to cleaning and tattered rags.

On Marie's birthday, she thinks she'll get a chance to celebrate but it turns out it's just a party to promote her sister to potential marriage prospects. She flees into the gardens and has a chance encounter with a charming and rich Count who's origins are from another land (that gets generally looked down upon as they are more swarthy skinned, etc, etc. racism, hello). He is immediately smitten but not imagining that the girl he met could possibly be the birthday girl, he sends a letter of proposal for Anastasia.

Here's one thing that I think was refreshing -- the parents are absolutely horrid BUT Anastasia (the perfect, blonde older sister) is actually very nice. There's a brief scene where you see her talking about her dreams with Marie; she would really love to open a tailoring shop in the capital and she's kind to her sister. 

Anyway -- Anastasia is supposedly packed off to go marry the Count...but suffers a carriage accident on the way. I am 99% sure that she's not actually dead and just ran off and staged it because she wants to follow her own dreams.

The evil parents send off Marie as a substitute, assuming the Count will just take her for "one night of comfort" and then send her back where she can be a drudge again. Seriously, they are terrible. 

So, Marie arrives and the Count is in a horrible funk because he thinks the woman he fell in love with is dead...but then the Maid Mio (who is the one with all the brains in this show) immediately figures out that he basically made a grave error in assuming Marie was the older sister. So he's now overjoyed but of course poor Marie who has no self worth at all has taken all of the things her parents did to her to heart and thinks she's worthless. She can't even begin to comprehend that he actually does want to marry her.

I've watched the 4 released episodes so far and I'm enjoying it though it's not surprising at all. The two main characters are both sweetly charming. She's (very) slowly gaining some confidence. Mio is great. The two bitchy maids got sacked (courtesy Mio) and I look forward to seeing Marie's glow up. If I were a betting person, the biggest conflict is likely to be that the sister's deception is discovered and Marie will try to give up the Count because of it, but will finally realise that it's her he has loved all along. Or the horrid parents will try some ploy to gain prestige.

Joy Ride

I was curious to see this one because of the Asian-American thing going on in it (a whole exploration of not feeling "white" enough or "Chinese" enough) even though you could tell from the trailer that it was going to be quite over the top raunchy. That's not really my thing. Anyway, Joy Ride. 

So. Yes. It was actually even rauncier and more debauched than I thought it was going to be. However, it also had a lot of heart and exploration of family and friendship and of feeling lost and out of place. Am I glad I watched it? Yes. Would I watch it again? Probably not. Once was kinda enough. I thought, for me personally, that the over the top stuff made plot sense only about half the time and the rest was more for shock value. But it had a lot of heart.

Anyway, a brief summary. An adoptee from China grows up in middle America, with a best friend who was the only other Asian girl in town. Oh, yeah, I felt that one except I was the ONLY Asian in town for half of high school. To combat the feelings of "less than" and the "ching chong" jokes, she over excels in everything (again, yeah, I feel that). Her friend, meanwhile, is more artistic and truly does not GaF.

Years later, over-achiever is a lawyer being sent to China to close some deal. What kind? Who knows. Just know that it's a bunch of white dudes sending her over. Her best friend is going with (she actually speaks Chinese) and they also meet up with the over-achiever's best friend from Uni who is now a Chinese drama actress and the eccentric cousin of hometown best friend, who is called Deadeye. 

Hm. Honestly, Deadeye is the only one I really got the name of. The rest are kind of archetypes. 

Nothing goes to plan. The deal is gonna fall through because she "doesn't know her family" and they go on a trip to try and locate birth mom. They run into a white girl drug dealer and wind up out of their heads and kicked off a train, passport-less (but at least not in jail). They meet up with a basketball team. Have so much crazy sex stuff happen that they take out half the team. Um, yeah. Meet up with some family of best friend girl, who makes uptight girl feel welcome for the first time and accepting of her Chinese-ness...but then they discover that her birth mom was actually a Korean...so then a crazy-ass sidetrip to Seoul (sans passports) and a really kind weird subplot about an unfortunate devil/oni tattoo and the actress girl's Jesus-loving boyfriend, and then lawyer girl gets fired, they have the big falling out where they all still love each other, yadda yadda. 

It's a feel-good movie with heart but too much shmexy and gross stuff, but overall I enjoyed it.

Tastefully Yours

So, I have finally picked up a new Kdrama...or, at least, I've watched enough of it to justify writing a post. Tastefully Yours has Kang Ha-Neul as jerky chaebol Han Beom-Woo who is competing with his (even more) jerky brother for control of a food empire. They both want to be the heir apparent and their (really really jerky) mother is dangling the carrot in front of them.

The brother, in fact, gets him ousted from his directorship and, desperate to get a three star rating and into his mother's good graces, he finds himself way off in some podunk town with a very talented chef (who's restaurant is kinda going under): Mo Yeon-Joo ( played by Go Min-Si). I'd weirdly wanted to try something with her in it because I've seen all these clips of her in another new show (something about a woman who dies and goes to heaven?) where she's a human cat. It makes more sense than that, but there it is.

Anyway, they are like oil and water but will, of course, find their way to true love. I've seen 4 episodes now, I think, and overall I am enjoying it. He's a true ass to start with and, honestly, hasn't really redeemed himself yet. It's kinda startling as the last thing I watched him in he was such a green flag (When the Camellia Blooms).  

It doesn't feel like this one is going to have any surprises, but that's okay.

Natsume's Book of Friends

A long, long time ago I watched an episode of Natsume's Book of Friends. Years and years ago. I don't know why I stopped...maybe I was saving it to watch with little dude? 

At any rate, I recently started it over again. I'm just about 6 episodes in, but I am enjoying it. Natsume the orphan can see yokai which has made him, similarly to all other characters in every other show who can see them, a bit of an outcast. They chase him, many thinking he is Reiko, his grandmother, who also had the gift. 

She's long gone now, but she left behind the Book of Friends, which has the names of all the yokai that she "defeated". Natsume has, by default, inherited it. And now, the yokai that come across him are of two kinds--those that want to take the book from him to have power over the yokai named within or those who want to get their names back.

Some are nice. Some aren't. A dodgy fellow that seems quite powerful and takes the shape of a cat extracts a promise from Natsume to protect him in exchange for inheriting the book once he dies. He's a bit self serving and I don't trust him (think Moggett), but there you go.

Each episode mostly focuses on a particular spirit, but there's also Natsume slowly interacting with other people. I don't think there's going to be any romance in this one, but that's okay. Maybe more of a found family kind of thing? The episodes are almost all bittersweet so far, so I feel like I have to watch them in small doses. Will post more after I'm farther along.

The Morose Mononokean

I've actually only watched 2 episodes of this so far, but I'm trying to get up to date. There are two seasons of The Morose Monokean, I just realised, which is promising.

Ashiya, the black haired boy, can see yokai (though it's actually been a few months since I watched the first episode so now I don't remember if he's always been that way or if it is recent). On the way to his first day of high school, he gets glommed onto by a fluffy white yokai critter that drains him so horribly that he collapses and falls ill. This continues, day after day, until he's desperate to somehow experience high school life. That's when he stumbles on an advert for someone who can exorcise ghosts.

Through reasons and mishaps, he winds up in debt to the fellow (the somewhat grumpy blonde haired guy) and begins working with him. He soon learns (albeit, this is me in the second episode, so I'm sure there's more to it than that) that not all yokai are bad or evil -- the one that had "possessed him" just wanted to play.

It appears to lean more towards comedic situations than outright drama and I should get back to it at some point. I'm honestly not sure why I haven't watched another episode yet. Maybe I wanted little dude to try it?

Headhunted to Another World: From Salaryman to Big Four!

So...I've watched three episodes of this one: Headhunted to Another World: From Salaryman to Big Four! but I haven't watched a new one in over a month now. Maybe two.

It's very classic middle aged man isekai. And there wasn't anything in particular wrong with it, but it also didn't grab me (and it's building up to be an obvious harem show). The thing I did like was that he was unappreciated in real life but the Demon King saw his potential and encourages him to get the job done and he uses the skills he learned from his previous job and applies them to these new, weird situations...showing that everything really is the same everywhere.

The other of the "Big Four" are his likely harem (he wins over the red-haired one in the first couple of episodes) and I'm guessing whoever's hidden in the weird suit is also female. He also looks like every other middle aged guy in one of these shows, but at least he's not as skeevy as some.

So, I dunno if I'll finish it. Maybe. I'm ambivalent but not annoyed.

Bogus Skill Fruitmaster ~About that time I became able to eat unlimited numbers of Skill Fruits (that kill you)~

 I've actually watched 9 episodes of this 12 episode show: Bogus Skill Fruitmaster ~About that time I became able to eat unlimited numbers of Skill Fruits (that kill you)~

Er, so, at first I expected not much out of it. Then, for a few episodes I was pleasantly surprised. Then I was increasingly disappointed and now...well, I think I've given up as it's been a couple of months since I watched it.

In this world, you eat a skill fruit--only one; the next will kill you--and get skills. Light (the dude's name) gets a "bogus" skill of Fruitmaster, which means he can grow great fruit AND he soon discovers he can eat MORE fruit and gain MORE skills. See, that was kind of interesting. 

His best friend, who's a girl, gets a super combat skill and goes off adventuring, even though it was him that had always wanted to do that. Her team, however, are all assholes. He winds up saving her from it and getting her to join him and his little sidekick. Even though the (obviously evil) guild or whatever leader doesn't want that.

So, all this part is fairly okay. And there's bits with a big fight and he gains more skills, etc. and also saves this blacksmith-y talented girl. All interesting.

Then they make the classic mistake and split the party. And the original plot thread goes out the window and suddenly we're following a new thread (that we don't, honestly, care about as much and doesn't make as much sense). 

That's where I bunked off. 

Maybe at some point I'll finish those last three episodes but I dunno. It felt like a bait and switch.

Edit: September...so, yeah, never have gone back to it. Cleaning it off my list now.

Tying the Knot with an Anagami Sister

Ok. So. I watched one episode of this and I haven't watched another yet. 

I honestly am not sure if I'll go on with it or not. Uryu Kamihate, an orphan and medical/uni student, gets taken in by a shrine as a kind of foster student. The old man (grandfather?) of the three shrine maidens basically says he can inherit the shrine (and a placed to live as he goes to school) if he marries one of the three sisters. He doesn't want to, but he also wants a place to live, this poor unfortunate foster student.

The girls all have distinct personalities -- i.e. the standard harem types -- the lolita youngest, the she-doth-protest-too-much middle, and the oldest sweeter-than-though sorta naive one. And he, of course, is the 'he-who-must-protest-loudly' and get caught in accidentally compromising situations through no fault of his own and wilful misunderstandings. 

Urgh. Actually, now that I'm writing it up, I feel like I probably won't pick this up again. I'm really not a big fan of harem stuff so there has to be something about a show that has that which pulls me in and looking back, there wasn't anything in the first episode which made me think, yah, I'll do this despite the obvious harem. I didn't even particularly like any of the sisters OR the guy.

I know it definitely has its fans and that's totally ok. If I were hard up for a show, I'd probably watch it. But, instead, I'm summing it up here so I remember when next I am looking for something to watch and think, huh, didn't I start that one? 

Kill Boksoon

This is one of the write ups I was very behind on -- Kill Boksoon. I'd wanted to see the movie for ages: assassin mom of a teenage daughter, and the actress from Crash Course in Romance (which could not be any more different from this character).

It's got a bit of a John Wick vibe with the world building around the assassins--she's another one that's been in it since she was young. It's slick and stylishly gritty, though with a Korean-vibe. Not Kdrama exactly, but I think it helps if you've watched them to catch some of the nuance.

I realise as I am typing this up that I don't want to rehash the plot. It's not groundbreaking, but it's solid. I very much enjoyed all the actors and the action sequences. It was a hoot to see Jeon Do-yeon in such a different kind of part after seeing her in a rom-com, though I think she does more of this kind of stuff than the other.

I'd recommend it. I enjoyed it. I would watch it again someday.

Perhaps my last

So, I went to the first lit festival I'd been to in a while. They invited me months ago and I accepted, drawn in, perhaps by their effusive email and the fact that they seemed to actually know my books (including the ttrpg ones). And I'm not saying it was terrible, but it also just made me think that I really don't know that it's worthwhile (or mentally advisable) to do these things anymore.

It started off awful to begin with because I wound up on two weeks of (terrible) jury duty on a mentally draining trial. So I didn't have as much time to prepare as I thought I would -- though, honestly, the prep I did do was fine. But I was going into it stressed. I didn't even book hotel or train tickets until the day before because I wasn't sure if I'd have to be back for another day of jury duty or not on Monday (and my sessions were on Sunday until late and it was far enough away that even if I could catch a train back, it would get me home after 1 am).

Anyway, I went Saturday afternoon so I wouldn't have to run on Sunday and maybe have a chance to decompress a bit and enjoy what I'd been told was a charming town. The hotel was nice, but super expensive on the Saturday night (which I didn't expect them to cover)--double what it was for Sunday night's stay. Walking around it was...well, it was like any random English town that isn't London. Some nice old buildings. Random construction. There were a lot of busy restaurants and bars and I managed to find a place for dinner that got good reviews. It was...okay. The clientele was varied. A few tables of ladies my age or older, dressed to kill and adjusting their boobs (one woman literally couldn't apparently keep her hands off of them, though I'm not sure what she thought the constant pushing up and cupping was going to do...gravity is gravity, ma'am.) Older men, balding, with younger ladies in very short skirts. Reminded me of White Lotus. A few hen-do's, one of which the bride-to-be was so pregnant that I was thinking the wedding better be the next day or she'd not likely make it--she barricaded herself in the toilet and wouldn't let anyone else in for a while. 

So. Yeah. I wasn't overly impressed by the town. I really have pretty much figured out that I like London, but I don't love the rest of England. At least, not to live in. Haven't tried Manchester, so maybe it's okay. I mean, it had better restaurants than Coventry but that's not a steep hill to climb.

Before I even arrived, I'd received a notice late on Friday (too late to do anything about it) that the Waterstones that was supposed to have ordered books for all the visiting authors had somehow messed up my part of the order so that none of my books were available to sell/sign. 

This is not even the first time this has happened to me at an event. Maybe the third. Everyone else's somehow always wind up ordered, but not mine. Do I have a curse?

And they were charging £5 to £10 less for my 2 hour workshop than some other people's sessions (who weren't any "bigger" than I am and were sometimes only 1 hour things). It just felt kind of insulting. 

And, at various times, my name was misspelled -- both first and surname, though not at the same time. The first name gets misspelled all the time in this country, to be fair, but it's still annoying and makes you feel unseen and unappreciated.

The sessions themselves were okay, though not packed with people, and I did well at them. Honestly, I'm really good at it. I had attendees ask me when/where they could hear me speak again, others that stayed late, a few that came to my panel session to hear me speak more.

But, all told, I make very very little money off of these things, especially when they don't even have my books available for sale. They are exhausting, even if I am good at the talking part. From a purely cost-benefit analysis, they aren't worth it. I did help a handful of writers with the workshop, but I could probably start running an online course and keep a discord and reach more people if I wanted to do that.

So, yeah. Maybe it's sour grapes but it never feels like these things work out in my favour.

Suzume

I watched Suzume a while back (on a plane, I think), though it had been on my list for a long time. It's another Makoto Shinkai film, which I generally always find appealing--there's a very dream-like quality to them. 

This one is no exception to that. Suzume Iwato is a 17 year old schoolgirl with a curious mind who lives with her aunt. She has dreams of herself as a child walking through a ruined landscape looking for her mother, but doesn't know what they mean. One day (hello, inciting incident), she runs into a young man not much older than herself (uni aged) named Souta who is looking for abandoned places...with doors. 

She follows him and accidentally releases a keystone (which turns into a mischievous cat) and thereby unleashing some potential earth-shattering problems. Souta is a "closer", something his family has been doing for generations. They hold back this gigantic earthquake-causing worm...ok, as I'm typing this, I realise it sounds very, very implausible. But it doesn't while you're watching, I promise.

For reasons, he gets turned into a three-legged chair and Suzume and he go gallivanting around the country relying on the help of strangers as they try to get him human again AND re-capture the cat. The aunt and a friend of Souta's get involved at the end and everything is very neatly tied off, returning back to Suzume's early memories--she had, indeed, once wandered the Ever After. 

And...that's all I'm gonna say about the plot because, honestly, there's a lot going on and to really explain it would take ages. I'll say that, as with all Shinkai films, it is visually gorgeous, though some people have complained that it doesn't stand up to his other works. It's a coming of age story, but also a heroic, epic journey with sacrifice and love. I really enjoyed it though I can definitely see that the romantic aspect (with Souta) wasn't the original, intentional goal and is a sideline. 

I will possibly watch it again in the future, perhaps with little dude.

The Brilliant Healer's New Life in the Shadows

I am not having much luck tonight and I was really just trying to relax. Tried out The Brilliant Healer's New Life in the Shadows and it might be good, but half the first episode was about his already formed harem fighting over getting to see him (while he was out on a house call) and eating his dinner that some poor girl had been cooking all day (oh, and she wants to marry him too). It's kind of like it started in the middle.

So. Maybe I'll try another episode another time but there wasn't anything about this one that particularly made me want to try another. Even if he is deadpan.

Edit: Months later. Never tried it again. Gonna delete from list.

La Dolce Villa

 Just a very brief post. Tried the (all too American) La Dolce Villa (American writers and production company, though a lot of Italian actors) and made it approximately 20 minutes. Acting was so-so or, rather, like Hallmark movie level, I guess? That kind of slightly exaggeratedness that works better on the stage? 

And considering the year and a half we spent house hunting in Italy and researching citizenship + even the One Euro houses that this movie delves into, it just was totally unrealistic to me. Other than, yes, small Italian towns are in desperate need of new investment and residents. And the whole father-daughter dynamic was meh and I'm sure they'll all be one big happy family by the end but...bleh.

The Unwanted Undead Adventurer

So I wasn't particularly looking for (another) new show to watch but was still kind of unwilling to go into the angsty part of Sacrificial Princess...which is how I found myself starting up The Unwanted Undead Adventurer and, I gotta say, I really liked it!

In fact, I think I may very well get the books. I'd thought going in that it was going to be something like Skeleton Knight in Another World but this is not an isekai. And the stories and characters have no relation to each other at all...this one is actually got a fairly good plot going that stands up as not being derivative (at least not much). True, there's almost a harem thing going on, but not really.

But I shall start anew. We meet Rentt right as he's about to die. Twenty-five, he's been a low ranked adventurer for 10 years (and, we learn later, trained for 10 years before that) and thought it a bit of luck that he'd stumbled into a secret part of the local labyrinth...until he runs into a legendary dragon creature and is killed. Or eaten. At any rate, dead.

And not just dead, but undead. He comes to in the next day or so (this in one part that doesn't totally make sense as his equipment looks aged and he's only bone) as a barebones (haha) skeleton. But his mind and memories are intact. He soon figures out that he can "evolve" as he kills other monsters and gets to the point that he's a ghast. 

A lucky encounter sees him save a young adventurer from certain death and he convinces her to go into town and buy him some concealing clothing so he can try and return home. Because if he just wandered in, they'd surely kill him because he's a monster now. He might have actually still been just a skeleton when he meets her, but it doesn't really matter. What matters is that they get back to town.

Now, all this time, we're getting his inner monologue about how he's "just" a bronze level and has been stuck there for years. But it's clear from the townspeople (who are wondering where he is and the ones who immediately recognise him in his disguise) that he's beloved because of his hardworking ethic, his willingness to always help people, and that even though he was low in rank, he was high in heart. He immediately heads to Lorraine, someone he's known for years who is obviously in love with him (to everyone but him, I suppose, as all he focuses on is becoming a mythril level adventurer (and that is the way they spelled it, not mithril??)).

Anyway, she's a scholar and sort-of witchy researcher and he stays with her. I'm not going to rehash all of it, but will say that he proves over and over again what a decent guy he is and, at the end of season 1, has evolved again to be some type of vampire (with wings). There was a season 2 announced, though it doesn't have a release date yet. I'll definitely watch it. 

The worldbuilding seems decent. The side characters are reasonably fleshed out for an anime with a diverse cast, doing a lot with the little screentime they have. And in the last episode, we get the payoff of why he has laboured so hard for so many years--it's revenge. A wolf monster killed his entire family and best friend and he was saved by a mithryl level adventurer, who set him on the path that he's on. He's just a decent guy. Yes, pretty much every woman that he meets gets a heart flutter, but so far there's no romance in it--though clearly Lorraine has been on that ship for a long time. 

So, yes, glad I watched it. Will definitely continue on. Will post about the books if/when I get them.