I did decide to write up some of the visual novel sections. This is from the first time Zen and Hae meet, when she goes to his apartment after he hurts his ankle. All of this is a bit backwards as I've never given Hae her backstory even though I've already written up some bits featuring her. All of the other MCs (for Yoosung, Jumin, and Seven) got their backstory first, but since I didn't do any write ups of playthroughs the first time I did Zen, that didn't happen here. Shoot, she wasn't even named Hae originally. I'd just gone with my default "fill in the blank character name" of Lirael the first time through.
So...Hae's Backstory
She'd only been around for a few months when she downloaded the app that would change her life on a whim -- and this is a girl who doesn't usually operate by whim. She's been working at a part-time job at a cafe. She wants to do something more. Something where she can work with people. She's not sure what. She sends home money when she can. As the oldest, she has always put everyone else first, perhaps one reason she's never had a boyfriend. No time for it. She's held some kind of job ever since she was old enough. Her middle sister is really clever and she wants to make sure that one goes to university. She's always been the one to hold things together and to sort things out. Their mother is a good person, but ineffectual and has been a lost soul since her husband had gone (eh, let's say he's dead after all). The first thing Hae did after she figured out that the RFA really wanted her to stay in Rika's old apartment was to get her few meagre belongings and get out of the tiny apartment she had been staying in so she could save the money.
Knock, Knock, who's there...
Driver Kim pulled the car over in front of a plain block-shaped apartment building. Hae stepped out when he opened her door for her. Was this where Zen lived? It was hard to picture him here. It was a quiet neighbourhood; plain and ordinary. Somehow he seemed like he should be living somewhere fantastical. A mythical garden, maybe. Mount Olympus. She shook her head. She was being silly. This wasn't a fairytale.The driver led her to the correct door, smiling at her kindly as she hesitated. "This is it," he said. She took a deep breath. Counted to three. Counted again. She was nervous now. What if...what if he didn't like her? Yes, they'd talked and talked and it had seemed like they had a connection, that there was something there, something different...but she wasn't special. She wasn't anyone in particular. Just a girl. Maybe Jaehee should have come after all.
When she didn't move, Driver Kim smiled to himself and reached past her to push the doorbell. Hae jumped a little and straightened up. She couldn't think like that. And that wasn't what was important here, anyway. She was here to help Zen, to make him feel better, to comfort him. That was why Jumin had sent her. Well, that and that cat project he wanted Zen to model for. She wasn't entirely sure how she felt about that, but it had been an easy excuse to take. She could admit it to herself. She wanted to meet Zen in person. She'd come because she wanted to meet him.
Ding-dong.
The door opened and there he was. Zen.
"Yes~" he said, such a simple word, so normal. But he was anything but. She'd seen him so many times in the selfies that he had posted but...photographs didn't capture him. Couldn't capture him. He did belong in a mythical garden.
"Ive brought her following Mr. Han's orders," said Driver Kim. "He has told me to bring her back in two hours, so I will be waiting out front."
"Hae! Nice to meet you!" Zen stood there awkwardly leaning against the doorframe, his leg still in the cast. His eyes had widened when he saw her, like he was surprised. Did she not look like he had expected? She had the sudden urge to hide behind Driver Kim. Maybe she should have changed clothes? Not that she had much to choose from. Maybe she should have gone shopping. She hadn't even thought about that. Certainly she should have or at least put on something better than jeans and a plain old shirt. What kind of girl was she? Meeting Zen looking like this--
Well, she couldn't be who she wasn't. She was who she was. So she smiled at him instead. His eyes grew even wider.
He reached out and took her wrist to pull her into the apartment, nearly overbalancing. "Oh, Driver? You can ignore what Jumin said. We'll have fun and call you when we're finished. Bye~"
"Excuse me? But..."
Zen had shut the door in the poor man's face. He laughed a little nervously and let her go. "Hey, Hae." He backed up a bit. "I'm sorry I don't have much in the house."
Hae felt a little bad for the driver. He'd seemed like a nice man. "Is it...okay to ignore what Driver Kim said?"
"It's fine, fine." Zen reached out a hand like he was going to touch her face but then dropped it and clasped his hands behind his back. "Wow...You're a cute lady. Your eyes are so bright." He gave another small laugh. Was he as nervous as she was? Had he really called her cute? She blushed. "Nice to meet you," he said. Hae nearly did laugh then. He'd said that already. He was nervous! Inexplicably, that made her feel better.
Zen took a deep, calming breath. And smiled. Oh, his smile. "And I really wanted to see you. I mean it."
"I wanted to see you too." Hae took a small step closer to him. He was like a magnet. "You're more handsome in person." Oh good heavens. Had she really said that? But he was. She wasn't lying. She'd never seen anyone as beautiful as this man. And it wasn't like he didn't already know.
"Ah! -- I don't want to let you go!" Zen clapped his hands on his face three times, like he was trying to wake himself up. "You can't live here, can you?"
Hae's heart skipped a beat. "Oh!" was all she could say.
"I haven't been this happy to see someone at my house..." Zen pivoted around, waving an arm around and she thought he'd fall over for a minute as he had to balance on his good leg. "I had so many things I wanted to show you." He took a clumsy step in one direction and then reversed course towards the kitchen. "First, what do you want to drink?" He waved towards the couch. "Let's sit down and talk?"
She went and sat as he hobbled towards the kitchen. She wanted to help him, but he was talking so fast that she couldn't even think about getting a word in edgewise. "If you're bored, we can play games. Or later do you want to go shopping for groceries? It's uncomfortable for me to walk so I can't go by myself."
"Alright," she quickly said, as he stopped to take a breath. "I'll help you." That's what she was here for anyway.
Zen stopped, frozen for a moment. The teapot he was filling up nearly overflowed. "Really?" He shut off the water just in time. "Yay! I'm so excited to go grocery shopping together!" He set down the teapot. It was already forgotten as he whipped back around. "Let's get ready to go out!"
Hae couldn't help it. She giggled behind her hand. Oh, he was so funny! So sweet! She hadn't quite expected this. She hadn't known what to expect, honestly, but not this -- not this adorable, sweet man.
"If you're feeling up to it, let's go," she said. It was already a bit late. It had taken longer to get here than she had thought it would. It would have been faster if she'd been able to come from Rika's apartment; the office she'd had to meet Driver Kim at had been farther away and in the opposite direction. If he really didn't have anything much in the house, then she should help him stock up now. They could even have Driver Kim take them, She didn't think the man would mind.
"Oh, I'm fine, I'm fine...now that you're here." He was struggling to put on his coat, hopping on one leg. Hae hurried over to help him. He stopped jittering around as she helped him get his arms in his jacket, looking her in the eyes. His eyes -- she blinked as he stared at her like he was searching for the answer to life, the universe and everything.
(haha, had to stick in a Hitchhiker's Guide reference)
"So, you're staying for dinner, right?" Zen blurted out and then blushed. "And you can...even stay the night!"
"Okay." Oh, God. He could have asked her to go with him to the other side of the moon and she would have said yes. What would her sisters say? Nothing. That's what they'd say. If they were here, they'd do the same thing. And after the conversations they'd been having...the late night ones, where she closed her eyes and just listened to his voice close to her ear. ~Ah!
"That's okay, right?" He let out a nervous laugh. "Don't worry, I swear I won't do anything weird to you." He was twiddling his fingers together and looking nervous. Hae almost wanted to giggle again. "It's just that it's getting dark and I'll get worried...I'd rather you sleep here and leave tomorrow morning." She smiled at him. He was so cute. "And...I want you to stay here longer." Should she tell him she understood? That she knew what he was really trying to say? Because she felt it too. "I'm so excited right now," he continued, almost looking like he was ready to jump out of his own skin, like he couldn't sit still. "I'll cook dinner for you!"
Driver Kim drove them to a nearby Lotte Mart. Hae got Zen a cart so he could lean on it as they walked.
"What would you like for dinner? I don't cook much, to be honest, but I...I want to cook for you."
A housewife passing by gave Hae a telling look and nodded at her. Hae wasn't sure what she was trying to say, but she blushed all the same.
"What about japchae or bibimbap or even fried rice? Something simple is fine. But you have to at least let me help." Hae patted his hand. "I'll feel guilty if you don't. That's why I'm here, after all."
"Ah, you're so sweet," he said, smiling at her. "I knew you would be. I just knew it." Then he was off, as if he was suddenly on a mission. She could barely keep up. He asked her questions as they careened around the store, people magically giving way in front of them, perhaps because the eyes of all the women were already on Zen. "Do you like cherries? Grapes? Watermelon? Snow pears?" He was loading up the cart.
"You should get what you like," said Hae, laughing.
He stopped the cart. "But I want to take good care of you, Hae, like you've been caring for me."
"I haven't done anything, really."
"Oh, but you have," he said, so seriously that she felt herself blushing again. She hadn't blushed this much since...well, ever. He looked at her for a long moment. "Let's go," he said. "Let's go home."
Home.
Ah! He...had he really been serious when he'd said she should stay? She could almost hear Jaehee in her head. Scary.
She was quiet on the drive back, listening to Zen with half an ear as he told her about his favourite movies. If he did really want her to stay the night...should she? Oh, she wanted to...but Jaehee's voice rang in her head. And her grandmother's. Technically, even if it felt like she'd known Zen forever, this was the first time they had ever met face to face. What kind of girl stayed over at a man's house the first time they met? Was she that kind of girl?
She watched Zen as he talked. He was so animated when talking about the things he loved. He wanted her to watch Finding Mr. Destiny with him. He thought she'd like it.
"And it's a very romantic film, you know...don't you think you'd like to watch that with me? Maybe after dinner...oh, though it will be very late then. If it's too late and you're too tired, maybe next time? Or tomorrow!"
Maybe she was that kind of girl...if the man was Zen.
~~~~~~~~~~
Hae helped Zen cook dinner in his small kitchen. She'd never cooked with someone before. It felt--good. Like something out of a TV drama, like a scene she wished she'd seen played out at home with her mother and father, except he had died so long ago now that she couldn't remember if anything like this had ever actually happened. And it was fun. They cut the carrots into flower shapes. He let her taste a bit of the sauce, holding it out to her on a spoon. She almost didn't want the cooking part to end.They sat down to eat after Hae brought Driver Kim out a plate. She'd thought they might ask him in, as she felt guilty he was waiting outside, but Zen had said, so seriously, that he wanted their first meal together to just be...together. Just the two of them. She couldn't argue with that.
His table was small, perhaps because he lived alone, and their knees touched under the table. She tried to keep still as they ate, but every time one of them moved, it was an electric jolt. The food was good, but Hae was too conscious of Zen to really enjoy it. This was too new. Too--exciting.
"It's so good!" said Zen. "It must be you. Mine never comes out like this." He laughed. "Oh, I probably shouldn't have admitted that!"
She laughed with him. Hers never came out this good either, not when she cooked alone.
"This is nice, isn't it?" asked Zen. "Almost like we're...I mean..." he stopped and took a drink. "It's nice."
It was. Hae couldn't help but imagine an endless succession of nights like this. The two of them, just doing simple things. Cooking, eating meals, watching movies, grocery shopping...things people did when they lived together. When they were a couple. Just the thought made her feel warm inside.
~~~~~~~~~~
(and now a bit in Zen's POV just because)
"Do you want to stay longer?" Zen couldn't quite look her in the eye as he asked. What if she said no? "If that's what you want...Uhm...Then stay here a bit longer." Hae nodded and his heart skipped a beat, skittering around in his chest. "I want to show you something."
He knew it was ridiculous. They had only known each other for such a short time. Had only been face to face for a couple of hours. Had eaten exactly one meal together. But he wanted her to know everything about him. He wanted to know everything about her. To show her everything about himself, every bit. He told her all about how he had wound up living in this sub-basement apartment as he led her upstairs to the roof. It was one of his refuges. A safe, quiet spot that almost no one came to but him, even though it was an oasis of sorts.
There were only 3 other apartments in the building and one was currently empty, the second was home to a businessman that traveled all the time and the last was Noona Pak. She kept a herb garden up on the roof and the smells of basil and thyme were released as he led Hae to a bench he'd built from a simple plank of wood and some old clay pots.
"Why don't you sit here?" He sat next to her, so very conscious of how close they were, how warm she was. The night air had a slight chill but he felt her warmth, sitting next to her. "I'm sorry for making you go so late." He looked up at the stars that felt, for the first time in a long time, that they were shining brightly just for him. And Hae. "I'm so happy that you came." He snuck a peek at her. He'd thought she'd be looking up at the beautiful night sky, but her eyes were on him. Her lovely eyes. They were so warm and kind. "I mean it-!"He looked back up, hoping she wouldn't notice the flush that had spread across his cheeks. "I'd love to make you stay here with me if I could."
Oh no, had he really said that out loud? He didn't want to scare her.
"I want to stay here too," said Hae. Her voice -- she had the kind of voice that wrapped around you. He'd thought before she came that it was some trick of the phone, maybe because he couldn't help but hold it close to his ear, so close, when they had talked. But no, in person, it was even more. Like honey, throaty but soft and so, so sweet. He could listen to that voice forever. She could read the phone book and it would sound like poetry.
 |
| Still my favourite CG from the game. |
Why was she so easy to talk to? There was no one else he had ever been able to talk to this way. Certainly not Jaehee, even if she did go on and on about being his fan. She expected so much of him all the time and sometimes it all just felt like a weight pushing down and crushing him. The weight of expectations. His own dreams were enough to carry. But with Hae...it didn't feel that way. He felt...lighter.
He found himself even telling her about his brother and his family. He'd never told anyone in the RFA about his family. It was too raw, even after all these years. But she seemed to understand. She was listening, really listening to him.
"It must have been so difficult," she said softly, shifting on the bench next to him, her thigh rubbing against his.
"Yeah..." The words were just spilling out now. He told her about some of the bad things he had done as a teenager. He couldn't look at her now, not while he was saying these things. Would she be disappointed? He found Venus up in the sky and stared at it's shining light instead. He wasn't sure what he would do if she didn't understand. He even told her about how he hadn't accepted Jumin's help because Jumin reminded him so much of his brother. It hurt, even now, to think about it.
"I can't believe I've told you all of these things about me," he said when the words finally stopped pouring out of him. He could feel that his face was red. He was usually able to control it; he had to be, with skin like his, but he couldn't, not tonight. "It's strange...I feel as if I've known you for a long time. Why do you think that is? You're...strange." Ah! That wasn't what he'd meant to say! He didn't mean strange like strange, he meant...he didn't know what he meant. But she smiled at him and somehow he knew she understood.
"Can I...hold your hand?' he asked, without even thinking about it. He just wanted to. He needed to touch her, make sure she was real. That she was here. It all felt like a dream.
"Hold it tight and never let go." She reached out and their hands met. Her skin was so soft and she was so warm. She twined her fingers with his.
Oh god, how could she say such things with that voice? With that face? That sweet smile? His heart thudded again, faster. What was wrong with him? He held hands with actresses all the time, danced with them, kissed them even, whatever the show called for. But this...this was different. A warmth was spreading through him. A need -- a desperate need.
"Oh." He slid his hand away. "Sorry...I can't." He stood up and backed away a few steps. She looked up at him, surprised. "It's going to be trouble if you stay the night."
"What do you mean?"
Ah! Did she not understand? "If you can't guess, then you don't need to know." He hoped he didn't sound rude. God. He was burning inside. Every bit of him. He could feel her eyes on him, opened a little wider now, framed with her long, dark eyelashes, almost luminous under the night sky and he pictured those eyes looking up at him, not from up here on the rooftop, but down below, in his bedroom...
He backed a little farther away. "Sorry. I can't help myself. I'm a guy...Just holding your hand makes me imagine what will happen in the end." He swallowed. Hard. Looked away. Looked anywhere but at her because he was getting lost and it was far too soon for this. His brain knew that but his body didn't. His heart too. He wanted--! Too much. He wanted too much. He was going to drive her away if he acted like this.
She stood up silently and took a step towards him. What was she going to say? He--he couldn't do this. Couldn't be like this, not with her. He couldn't ruin this moment, this night. "You should go home before it's too late." He cleared his throat and tried to smile his normal smile. His mouth was dry. "Thankfully, the driver is still waiting outside." He babbled some more, backing towards the door as she followed him quietly. "I'm sorry that it seems as if I'm almost kicking you out." He felt like a live wire. Could she tell? She was so quiet.
"It's fine. I can come next time." She hesitated for a second, then reached out and squeezed his arm and smiled up at him, almost shyly, then let go. It could have been the touch of a moonbeam, of the sun, of a thousand blazing sons.
Oh, God, did she know what she was doing to him? Did she realise? Could she see---? "That's only better for me," Zen babbled on. "Now that you know where I am, you can come whenever you want!" He opened the rooftop door. "Should we go down now?" He kept talking on and on, utter nonsense, unable to stop as she followed him all the way down and to Driver Kim's car with a slight smile on her face.
She rolled down a window as the car drove off and leaned out to wave to him. He stood there and stared after the car for a long moment, his hand still in the air.
Hae.
Why had he let her go? The night felt empty now, and cold.
(Okay, I'm reasonably happy with that. This is a good example though of how this is very indulgent fiction -- this really wouldn't fly in a book. It's a bit too long for a chapter and it's got the wrong kind of detail, as far as moving plot forward. It jumps POVs. Bit disjointed. But I'm not worried about that for this. This is just for fun. And Lovely Zen.)
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