I make fun...but yes...I haz a sad. A lot going on. My mother is dying. Yes, she's been dying for years now, but it seems like it is heading into the final stretch. Even though things are a bit tight and crazy right now, I bought the plane ticket and went to visit her over Thanksgiving. It wasn't good. I spent most of it helping my sisters clean out years worth of expired food and making sure she was taking her medicine properly.
To be honest, it's probably not the heart disease or the kidney failure that's going to kill her. It's going to be going into a diabetic coma because she doesn't manage her insulin or medication properly (and her man-friend, who is mostly deaf and can hardly see, isn't good at it either and can't seem to comprehend how insulin works) or accidentally overdosing on something. Or just not eating.
She was better while my youngest sister and I were there...mostly because we both dealt with gestational diabetes when we were pregnant. And we're a bit more pragmatic than my very emotional older sister who isn't dealing well with any of this at all. It's hard. It's hard on all of us. I don't like that I'm so far away but there's nothing I can do about it.
And the home situation is still very up in the air. Husband is extremely stressed over his business. He's taken this one project on that takes him 2 hours away for Monday through Thursday and he's thinking it may even turn into something permanent. Which is both a good thing and a bad thing. He kept saying he never wanted to work for someone else again but I think running his own business has been more stressful than he anticipated, especially since he hasn't found a way to successfully bring in other people (not even me -- he asks me if I have time to help, I say yes, but then he never actually delegates anything when I ask what I can do). He's a one man band and falling apart at the seams. So I think he's seriously considering whether or not he would take this thing on as a full time position.
Stability would be good BUT it's another 2 hours away from London. I already feel too far away from everything and we're only 25 minutes away now. The thought of moving to essentially the middle of nowhere somewhere in Coventry is not remotely appealing. But I don't think he can go on like he is. He'll crack. We'll all crack. So I don't know. I am trying to be supportive but I don't really know what to do or think. All of my friends are here. All the stuff is here.
And little dude keeps getting in trouble. Recently, it was discovering some past charges on the Nintendo over the summer where, in all likelihood, his friends randomly purchased a bunch of games while on his Switch. Hundreds of dollars worth of games that have never been opened or played and are now past the three month period where they could have been returned. I was able to get about £150 back, but that was it. All that money wasted and gone after the stolen laptop + him managing to break the old laptop we gave him for school to replace the stolen one...just...AGH. And this morning I find he's misplaced his bank card AGAIN. He's already been grounded with no gaming allowed during the week at all. I don't know what else to do. And he's been acting depressed too and I don't want to push him too hard BUT this can't keep up.
It all just feels like too much. I need something good to happen. I thought at the beginning of the year that his, just maybe, was going to be a good year. But this last half has all been one disaster after another. No car. Savings nearly gone through. Mother dying. Things stolen, wasted, gone. Still waiting to hear back from my editor (though, I guess, at least it's on them and not me). And I've gained all that weight back since I haven't been able to go to the gym. There's one I could walk to on the other side of town but I don't really want to add any monthly charges right now. I'm looking for ways to reduce...haha, costs. I also want to reduce me. But that's secondary, I guess.
I just...I don't know. I need something good. I need a hug. I need some help. All I want to do is curl up in bed and sleep. But there's laundry to do and dishes from last night to wash and dinner to buy and things to clean up.
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