Thursday, May 21, 2020

The State of Things

Welp. So, we're trying to buy a house. But not in Oxford, which is where we were hoping as an in-between compromise, but in Coventry. Because we figured out we couldn't really afford Oxford, at least not anywhere close to the city centre or train station. Our offer was accepted, so now we're just waiting on the mortgage final approval (we had a preliminary approval). It should be okay.

I'm not terribly excited. Coventry is not a place I had ever wanted to move to. I am trying to keep positive. Yes, am leaving behind my friends and getting even farther away from London and little dude has to change schools, but on the plus side, at least we'll not be renting anymore. And it is a bigger place than GX and there's a market and things like that and even a Forbidden Planet. Not that you can really go to anything at the moment, since it's still global pandemic...no idea when things will loosen up. I don't think we'll ever go back to "normal" -- there will be a new normal. And no idea what that will look like yet.

The house is okay. Hubby was all ready to buy it before he even saw it (and we only viewed ONE house in person) so long as it wasn't horrible. And it isn't horrible, but I think it needs more work than he seems to be acknowledging. Everything needs painted. Carpet needs replacing. The cabinets all look like cheap Ikea stuff to me and feel rickety. The hob is ancient. The kitchen sink is barely deep enough to wash things in. There's also no fireplace, which was a thing I'd always said I wasn't going to go without again. There's no place for a guest bedroom (though, technically, little dude is getting two rooms -- one tiny one for sleeping and then the other for everything else). The other bedroom will be my office. Which also means hubs and I will be sleeping in the same room again. We'll see how that goes with the snoring... It does have a nice garden and a small conservatory (in which I'm not allowed to put my elliptical as it's downstairs and everything must be "just so"). Good windows, with two bays. It was built in the 1930s.

Anyway, so stressing over all that. And the outstanding state school(s) we were hoping to get little dude into are all over subscribed. So we're also applying to an independent school. It looks good and is at least less expensive than where he is now (not by a huge amount, but some), but he'll have to do the entrance exam. It should be fine, but it is another worry. And we had been hoping we could get out of school fees. So, meh.

Am working on the book, but I am going slower than I really should. Am having a hard time concentrating. I just feel...discombobulated. Disconnected. Worried. Fretful. But I've got to get on it, as I promised my editor I'd turn it in after June. It's doable. I just need to get more words down on the page every day to hit it. And as I'll be packing after that, I imagine, I really need to finish it.

The only thing I've really been good about is exercising. Hahaha such a bizarre thing for me to say, eh? I've never really liked exercising. I wish I had. But I've settled into a semi-routine where I do the elliptical every day and then every other day or so I also do either some yoga, boxing, or arm exercises. Am doing 80 minutes on the elliptical (so, like, 2 episodes of a 40 minute drama...not sure what I'm gonna do when I run into an hour long drama again...do I do 60 + extra stuff every day or do 120 and be crazy? I dunno...just finished Put Your Head on My Shoulder so I'll probably need to figure this out tomorrow as two of the ones I was thinking of starting next are indeed hour long shows)

I haven't been taking any days off, as I figure I'm not doing any walking to speak of as I'm home all the time. Have only been out a handful of times. Hubby is doing the majority of the shopping. Should I be taking days off for rest? Maybe. I don't know. Probably. But I'm feeling more sane when I can zone out and watch a drama while I'm on the elliptical. It's about the only time I don't feel like my brain is about to implode.

So I've lost 11 pounds now (nearly a stone). Want to lose at least as much again. Have lost about 4% body fat. Want to lose another 6%. Have lost inches around the waist, though I didn't measure when I started so I don't know exactly how many. Fitting into some of my clothes again. Still lots more to get into.

I'm trying to disappear. It's just taking a long time. 52 days to lose the 11 pounds. How many more days until I eclipse myself? Swallow myself whole, fall into the black hole? Turn sideways, out of sight, out of mind? A thin sliver of self, invisible? The Woman Who Was Used Up?

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