I haz a sad

It's been a long time. Again. I'd forgotten I even had this blog, though it was my original one from before I was published. I missed 2017 entirely.

So...I was thinking about this blog because I've been sad for a while now and I kind of wanted to write about it but I can't do it on my normal website or twitter or Facebook or any of my normal haunts because...well, reasons. I'm not supposed to be sad. Or human, I guess. I'm supposed to present a happy face. Be positive.

But I'm not, really. I don't want to do anything. I don't want to leave the house. I don't want to write. Don't want to deal with my husband and his stress and moodiness.

But I'm doing all the things because I have to.

But I've been crying randomly, sometimes out of nowhere.

Feel a bit like I might explode. But I know I won't, because I can't.

Do you ever sometimes wake up and feel like you aren't you? That somehow, somewhere along the way and all the interminable choices we make every day that you took a wrong turn somewhere and you went down that hall of mirrors and now you're so far down the tunnel that you've lost yourself? That the person looking back at you from the mirror isn't you, not really?

There was a book I loved in high school called Infinity's Web by Sheila Finch. It's the story of the many possible lives of one woman. It's got quantum physics and tarot.

I think I've lost the thread.