Looking Forward

The sleeping pill helped, though it was my last one in the box and I'll need to get some more. Still didn't get to sleep until nearly midnight and woke up a few times, but was actually in bed until just before 8. So the most sleep I've had in weeks, I think. 

Checking in: Weight 47.3 kg today (104.2 lbs)
[Start Feb 2024 66.2 kg (147 lbs); Total Loss 18.9 kg/43 lbs.]

I will get back to more anime/manga/Kdrama posting here at some point, but I read a thing this morning about how it can help to focus on or imagine the Future You to help you climb out of whatever hole you are in. And, at the moment, I'm so focused on trying to get through the holidays and the divorce and the awfulness that I've not really thought about the future beyond "I'd like to get back to London" because, to be fair, it's the only place I can think of.

I mean, it does make sense. I have figured out already that I really don't like living in England outside of London. I do not crave a charming English countryside life, picturesque as it might seem. I like cities and some bustle. Things to do and distract you and places to people watch. And I want to be around my friends again. 

But I'm kind of digressing. This is about not thinking of the how or why you get there, but where you want to envision yourself in five years. So. Five years, future me. I'm almost 53, so I'll be just about 58, which sounds old but hey, I'm healthier now than I was at 30.

I'm living alone in a house in London that's my own space, colourful and decorated how I want it. Lots of books that I don't necessarily have time to read. I can leave my makeup bag out on the bathroom counter if I want to and even leave curtains closed if I want some atmosphere--or throw them open. It's probably a little cluttered but not too messy. I have space to write and paint. 

Yamada is finishing up university and is happy doing their own thing, but I see them on holidays and we chat a lot on WhatsApp. 

I travel, maybe solo, maybe with friends, maybe once a year with Yamada if I can pull them away from their own life. Perhaps three trips a year or maybe more frequently. If I want to, I can ask a friend to water my plants (of which I don't have too many, but some herbs I don't want to die) while I'm gone and go more frequently or even just spur of the moment because I saw a cheap ticket somewhere I haven't been before. I am brave and even go places I didn't think I could go on my own where no one speaks my language. I put a new pin in my wall map whenever I get back.

Perhaps I am still writing books or just picking up some freelance work whenever I want to to keep my mind busy. I take classes and workshops that seem interesting. I make things, because I always like to make things. Maybe I've finally figured out crazy quilting and have made something with the huge stash of batik fabrics I've had sitting in a drawer for years. Maybe I volunteer sometimes, though more likely I mentor.

I have game nights with friends. Maybe I run a Roll20 game online every other week. Maybe weekly, but maybe not. Heck, maybe I just do one shots. 

I walk a lot, because I love to walk London. I know the names of the butcher and the veg sellers. I visit markets. I'm fairly frugal, but every now and then I'll splash out on something I want. The money in the bank is doing okay. I bake cookies at Christmas again and give them out. Sometimes I'll go across town and visit people around Portobello that I still know, if they're still there. 

I'm exercising frequently too and keeping myself healthy. I've kept the weight off and not let it creep back on. I don't use a gym, just do stuff at home, maybe even run around a local park or the streets. 

Sometimes I forget to do anything fancy for dinner, but I always have things on hand I can throw together and make some weird glop that tastes good even if it looks questionable. No one is there to make a comment on it or how I use my utensils or that I use a dishwasher instead of handwashing...though if it isn't a lot, I'll just wash it. I can leave dishes out to dry on the drying rack if I want to. 

I have my morning coffee after I exercise and shower. Sometimes, I do my Vietnamese coffee at home and sometimes I'll walk somewhere to a coffee shop to get out. I say hello to dogs that I pass.

I find my list of museums in London and check off all the ones I hadn't visited yet (I need to find that list; maybe I'll add it here...used to keep it on Yamada's blog). 

I play whatever music I want, any time I want. I binge watch Korean dramas and anime, though sometimes I space them out to keep it going longer. But, I don't watch a lot (often just when exercising). I go to the Prince Charles Cinema whenever they have something funky playing. 

I try out new Chinatown restaurants whenever one opens. I wander through the National Portrait Gallery at a slow pace, staring into the eyes of each portrait that looks interesting. Sometimes I take a sketchbook. 

That's enough for now.