"I was observing you sleep," he says, without a trace of self consciousness or embarrassment. "You can't know how wonderful it is to hear you breathe when you're sleeping."
Seong doesn't know what to say. She listens silently as he waxes rhapsodical on the moonlight hitting her hair and how it makes him feel. And on how he knows that once the sun comes up, his anxiety will return. He's jittery now, trying to make her understand. He's terrified she'll leave. She can see it. She tries to lead him with some questions, but she's not a psychiatrist. She's not sure if she's really helping or not. All she can do is try. He'd been bottling everything in for so long that he's like an endless river. Everything is overflowing out and it's all rushing towards her. She could drown in his eyes.
"I know that I am not rational," he said. He closed his eyes, squeezed them tight like he was trying to shut out the entire world. He was trying. She could see the struggle in him. He was asking her to wait. To trust in him.
"Can you...accept me for who I am?"
She squeezed his hand. He rambled on, bowing his head, eyes still shut, admitting to the thoughts that have been running through his head. Is he trying to scare her, with his talk of fighting himself? That's when she understands, finally. He doesn't need someone else to fight against. He's already in a pitched battle. He just needs someone to support him. To watch over him. To make sure that he wins the fight he's already in. It sounds silly, but he needs positive energy to balance out all the negative. Yin and yang.
"I understand...how you feel. I will wait until you figure things out." It's the only thing she can say.
(Yeah, literally it's the only thing she can say because the alternative option sounds like something headed straight to a bad end. Seriously, Jumin is sexy and everything, but if this was real life it would be absolutely insane. He needs professional help. Of course, none of this could happen in real life. Which is good. Because some crazy shit is going on. Anyway. Back to it. Jumping to the next bit.)
Jumin is busy most of the day and Seong finds more to worry about with Yoosung and 707. It turns out that Zen's dream was actually prophetic. (Pretty sure he's fey and from fairyland...I mean, really. Zen.) The hacker's lair turns out to be the castle in the mountain that Zen dreamed about and Elizabeth the 3rd is actually there. Yoosung and 707 manage to spirit her away, though Yoosung is now equal parts worried about how Seven is acting and about all the cat hair he is covered with. Seong is more worried about Seven after he calls her, sounding as damaged and broken as Jumin has been sounding, though more mysterious by half. But she has no idea how to help him. She doesn't know him well enough to even know what words to say.
(Don't worry, Seven, someone is coming for you after Jumin's route is through. I don't know who yet, but someone. I promise they'll be lovely and funny though I'm sure they'll say some cringeworthy things.)
Seong is glad they've found Elizabeth and hopes that it will help Jumin as well, but Jumin has said he wants to give the cat back to V. V and Rika had given Elizabeth to him in the beginning. Seong doesn't think this is a good idea. He can't abandon Elizabeth. He needs to deal with all the feelings he's been having.
She calls him as often as she can because it makes her feel like at least she's providing some kind of tether to the real world. And it seems to be working. He has a conversation with his father that, while not resolving their issues, is at least a start. He thanks Jaehee for her hard work and even offers her some vacation time. Much needed vacation time. Seong is proud of him. He's starting to pay attention to the outside world again and the people in it. Maybe for the first time, if what Zen says is true.
It's still a struggle though. He's not there yet. He still says things that are...odd...but sometimes it seems like he doesn't even understand that what he's said is wrong. She'll have to show him. For instance, he wants to cut her hair, has already planned it out. Probably even selected the salon. She explains to him that she likes it long. A trim, maybe, but he's going to have to learn that she isn't a dress up doll. She's already sent back one or two of the outfits that he has ordered, though she hasn't told him yet. Baby steps. She wonders for the 100th time what the women The Chairman has been dating all these years were like. She doesn't think she would like any of them.
By the end of the day, she feels like things have turned the corner. Things are going to work out. She'd been saying they would the entire time, but in the back of her mind there had been doubts.
Jumin finally comes home after running some errands and she greets him at the door.
He looked happier than she had seen him--ever, even in pictures. "It's a very happy thing to have someone greet you when you come into your house," he said. "I'd like for you to greet me every day...but I guess we need time."
Yes! Progress. She takes his hand and leads him over to the couch. He does look happy, but he also looks so tired. He's barely slept the last couple of nights. She has to make sure he gets some rest or she fears that everything will fall apart again. They talk quietly for a while about everything that has happened.
"While I was away from you today...I kept remember what you said last night, about staying by my side...Every time I remembered that, I couldn't help but smile." He took her hand in his, his thumb tracing a pattern on her palm. "Seong Yi. If your heart stays with me, then perhaps we can be physically apart."
(Seong Yi resists the urge to cheer. Oh wait, no, that's me. Eh, probably her too.)
"Yes, I think it's time for me to go back to prepare for the party."
Jumin admits that she is right, that he has to grow up and be an adult. She reminds him that they'll see each other at the party. It's almost time for it, after all. And she tries to talk to him about Elizabeth again. He's made so much progress, but he still has so far to go.
He listens, but then he leans towards her. "Seong...it's time to go to bed soon. I want this to be a special night, but..." Is he blushing? He is! "If I see the tiniest bit of opening, I'll try to own you completely. I'm all in or all out, so please..."
Sudden thoughts run through her head and soon he's not the only one blushing. "Okay...I'll just quietly stay by your side."
"Thank you," he said. "You know how to make me happy." He brushes some imaginary lint off of his trousers, still blushing. "Then...shall we go to bed, my angel?"
She didn't answer, at least not with words, partly because she wasn't sure she could say anything in a normal tone of voice. He was right. Even though she had imagined all kinds of things as soon as he'd said it was time to go to bed, his newfound control was too new. Tonight was not the night for...for anything other than sleep. And he desperately needed sleep. So did she.
So she took his hand and led him to the bedroom. He headed towards the chair but she steered him towards the bathroom instead. "No," she said firmly. "Not tonight."
"But..." he said.
"Jumin..." She touched his cheek and traced his jawline, like he had once done to her. "I'm tired. And I know you are too. I said I'd stay by your side and I meant it. But we're both sleeping tonight."
"I--"
"For me," she said. "Maybe...maybe you could hold my hand? Because we can't--" she blushed then -- "...you said it yourself, tonight...we can't..." She cleared her throat. Gah. It was so hard to talk about this. "Let's just sleep, okay?" She shoved him into the bathroom. "Get changed."
Thank goodness she had already put on some pyjamas and double thanks that the ones the guard had brought back from her place weren't remotely sexy. In fact, they were Hello Kitty. Her sister had given them to her as a joke. She sat on the bed and waited for him. It didn't take long.
"Are you sure?" he asked. "Can I really...?"
She had the sudden urge to laugh. He wasn't making this any easier. But she knew that if she didn't make him lay down that he'd wind up in that stupid chair staring at her all night again and not getting any sleep. He was going to turn into a zombie and that wasn't good for anyone. "Get in," she said and patted the bed. She got under the covers at the same time he did, but didn't turn out the light. It was on low anyway and perhaps it would be better if they weren't completely alone in the dark. She turned to face him. Oh lord. His hair. Against the pillow. He already had bed head. It was adorable.
"Good night, Jumin," she whispered and offered him her hand. He took it, lacing their fingers together.
"Good night, my princess."
"And close your eyes," she said, shutting her own. If she looked into his eyes, she was pretty sure she would be lost. As tired as she was, it still took her an hour to fall asleep. He'd put the idea in her head and now she was listening to him breathe. He was right. It was a good sound.
Jumin had thought he would stay up and watch her. He hadn't thought he could sleep with her so near but with her hand in his and the sound of her next to him, he soon drifted off into a dreamless sleep with a small smile on his face that didn't fade away.
When they awoke the next morning, they were still holding hands.
(Go on to Day 10: The Day Before the Party - Part VII)
(Ah, phooey, after the next chat and visual novel at the start of Day 10, this doesn't really technically work, but screw it, I'm keeping it anyway because I like it better. Even though I'm trying to keep Jumin mostly true to himself as he's presented in Mystic Messenger, I know I'm making him a bit less creeptastic because Seong Yi deserves better and I am a romantic at heart and I like smushy stuff. Even so, he's pushing it. Jumin, man, you need to get a grip on yourself.)
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