Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?

I come across a lot more snarky in this personal blog than I do in real life or in public social media spaces. The truth is somewhere in the middle, I suppose. Or...to be honest, it's the difference between inner and outer life. Like everyone, I think lots of things I would never say. That's the societal contract we all hold--well, most of us, anyway.

In general, I think people see me as very sweet. That's partly a physical stature thing, I think. I'm short. Dreadfully short. I blame it on my Chinese mother. But, if you're small, people tend to think you're cute and they underestimate you. Sometimes that's a good thing and sometimes it isn't.

But the older I get, the less I care about what other people think. I do wish sometimes I could go back in time and get that do-over. On the other hand, who knows where I would be now? Would there be a little dude? So, in the end, I wouldn't do it.

In other news...we finally ordered a sofa yesterday. Have we really been in this house over six months already? Time flies like the wind. And the older I get...

Yeah, we all know that story.

I haven't gone into London as much as I thought I would. Partly it's been crap weather, partly it is guilt about paying for the train ticket for no good reason, partly it's the defeatist feelings I've been wallowing under. I miss it though. I like the city. The country--hahaha not that this is really country...we're only 20ish minutes by train into Marylebone now and this is posh-land with humungous houses and Pinewood studios right near by and random famous people walking around the street--the country is quiet. I love to walk, but walking around here is just...bland. I like city walking. I like boot heels clicking on pavement. I like the anonymity of being in a crowd. And the buildings. London's a good city. You never know what you'll find around the next corner, the next twisted alleyway.

Maybe part of the wallowing is that I feel very lonely out here. I have no people. I have no tribe. The other mums are nice but I don't know how to talk tennis and golf and country club and normal job things any more.

Well, okay, enough of that. I have clothes to fold. Going to blast some music and dance around. I can blare it loud here, anyway...that's one benefit of these massive houses not touching each other.