A light in the window

Good news on the little dude front. He had one of his three school assessments on Tuesday and we've already found out that he's made it to the next stage -- the interview. It was a 3 part, all day exam and we anticipated it to be the hardest one out of the three as we knew going in that some of the maths on the test hadn't been covered in his normal school curriculum. So, while I hoped he'd do well and move on to the next stage, I wasn't completely confident that he would be able to. It really is an every given day kind of thing.

Over 400 kids took the test and they invite a bit over 200 for the interview. Out of those, they offer places to over a 100 and about 50 to 60 accept. It's not over yet, but at least he's moving on. He should interview pretty well since I took him around to so many events from a young age and he's an only child who is used to talking to adults. So, fingers crossed.

Next one is next week on the same day I go to the US Embassy to renounce my citizenship. So, yeah. Next week is gonna be kinda stressful too. This whole month.

Also my birthday wherein I will be older than I have ever been before. ;-) Better than the alternative, of course.

I've been feeling very old and needlessly needy. 5ish years ago I'd finally lost a decent amount of weight and was feeling pretty good. Then about two to three years ago, all the shit hit the fan at once with Tony's job and wondering if we were going to be able to stay in the country and nothing going on with my writing and all the things. My blood pressure tanked. Or, I guess, the opposite, even though good blood pressure was the only certain I'd had for ages. And I was getting ulcers and migraines and all kinds of things. I wouldn't have admitted it then, but it was likely brought on by stress. Let's be real. Nobody's reading this anyway. So a number of medications later, and I was the fattest I'd ever been (even beyond pregnancy weight), my hair was getting thinner by the day, and I had about as much energy as a slug surrounded by salt.

I'm trying not to be stressed this time around. I've worked myself off of one of the medications and my hair is coming back a bit. Perhaps prematurely, as I still have issues if I eat beef or cheese or have too much cream. I've lost a bit of the weight, though I'm still not even in my former fat jeans. Le sigh. But at least it's progress.

Have hit the gym 3 times this week. Maybe 4? Not sure. Might've lost another pound or two but we wound up eating out a bunch of times due to the whole back to school thing, the finishing an exam thing, the getting an interview thing...and tonight is pizza night. Suppose I'll be happy with just not gaining anything back.

Trying to keep myself honest and not be ashamed of myself. So, here I am today. Bit of makeup, but not much. Random silver strands in my hair. So many more this last year.

Need to lose 15 more pounds. About a stone. If I can lose more than that, even better. Hoping if I do that it'll make my back/leg better. Been having pain similar to the Bad Time 12ish years ago, but this time down my left side instead of my right. It's been waking me up every night around 2 or 3 and I'm not sure what to do about it. Trying to do those "core" exercises but so far not seeing much of a difference. Maybe it's just age. Getting old kinda sucks. Though, like I said before, way better than the alternative. But sometimes you just wanna feel attractive, like someone, anyone, would look at you and think, yeah. Of course, that's a lifetime long thing. Hell, I weighed 85 pounds / 38.5 kgs when I was in high school. Probably could've hid behind a tree. But I still felt ugly and invisible and fat. Believe it or not, I do actually care less about it now than I did then -- nothing like being a teen girl to make you feel less than -- but sometimes it does hit me. hahaha Often around a birthday, I suppose.